VayaIelts9
Jan 3, 2019
Writing Feedback / The human activities on our earth make some animal species becoming extinct [3]
Hello, my name is Vaya and I am an IELTS student.
I need feedback in the term of task response, coherence and cohesion, grammar, and lexical resource.
The animal species are becoming extinct due to human activities on land in the sea.
What are the reasons and solutions?
The human activities on land in sea make some animal species are becoming extinct. The fishing activities who did aggressively by the sailors for food and the usage of reptile skins for the fashion industries become the main reasons for this problem. The captivity of the particular fish in the sea and the reptile for the fashion industries supply are the solutions for those of the main topic.
The high demand of food consumption in some countries especially in Japan makes the sailors do the fishing activity aggressively. The Japanese habit makes the fish market always provide the fish stocks every time particularly for Salmon and Tuna fish. Surprisingly, The Japan Times reported that the number of Salmon and Tuna's as their primary food reached 880 tonnes per annum in 2014 and it made people in other parts region of this world asked Japan to limit their fishing activities.
In the fashion industries sector, they prefer to use reptile skins as their favourite raw material especially from Python's snakes' skin. Most of them used the Python's skins from the forests in the South-East Asia countries such as Indonesia, Vietnam, and Cambodia. A large number of giant Python's population in Indonesia make this country become the biggest supplier of Python's skin for the high-level boutiques in this world. However, based on the local newspaper in Indonesia, the population of the wild Python were frequently decreased since 2010 while the sales price of this was cheap around 2 million Rupiah per kilogram. In fact, the giant Python size usually around 20 kilograms with 5 metres or each.
To conclude, the limitation of fishing activities and reptile hunting's should be implemented as soon as possible to keep the animal stocks on land in the sea are the balance. Japan country should have their own breeding area in their sea, especially for Salmon and Tuna species. In addition, high-level fashion branded industries should have their own reptile captivity for their own raw material.
Hello, my name is Vaya and I am an IELTS student.
I need feedback in the term of task response, coherence and cohesion, grammar, and lexical resource.
to keep the animal stocks on land and in the sea in balance
The animal species are becoming extinct due to human activities on land in the sea.
What are the reasons and solutions?
The human activities on land in sea make some animal species are becoming extinct. The fishing activities who did aggressively by the sailors for food and the usage of reptile skins for the fashion industries become the main reasons for this problem. The captivity of the particular fish in the sea and the reptile for the fashion industries supply are the solutions for those of the main topic.
The high demand of food consumption in some countries especially in Japan makes the sailors do the fishing activity aggressively. The Japanese habit makes the fish market always provide the fish stocks every time particularly for Salmon and Tuna fish. Surprisingly, The Japan Times reported that the number of Salmon and Tuna's as their primary food reached 880 tonnes per annum in 2014 and it made people in other parts region of this world asked Japan to limit their fishing activities.
In the fashion industries sector, they prefer to use reptile skins as their favourite raw material especially from Python's snakes' skin. Most of them used the Python's skins from the forests in the South-East Asia countries such as Indonesia, Vietnam, and Cambodia. A large number of giant Python's population in Indonesia make this country become the biggest supplier of Python's skin for the high-level boutiques in this world. However, based on the local newspaper in Indonesia, the population of the wild Python were frequently decreased since 2010 while the sales price of this was cheap around 2 million Rupiah per kilogram. In fact, the giant Python size usually around 20 kilograms with 5 metres or each.
To conclude, the limitation of fishing activities and reptile hunting's should be implemented as soon as possible to keep the animal stocks on land in the sea are the balance. Japan country should have their own breeding area in their sea, especially for Salmon and Tuna species. In addition, high-level fashion branded industries should have their own reptile captivity for their own raw material.
