Scholarship / Economic Development - Commonwealth shared scholarship [5]

Hello everyone,
Please help me proof read the below person statement written for the application of The Commonwealth shared scholarship.

Personal statement

Prompt:
Summarize the way in which your personal background has encouraged you to want to make an impact in your home country. You should indicate areas in which you have already contributed, such as having overcome any personal or community barriers to higher education. (Maximum of 500 words).

ANSWER
I was born and raised in a small village that is predominated by a large number of uneducated people. In other words, there exists a very low literacy level in my community, because only few attend school due to the high rate of poverty, as well as the unawareness of the benefits associated with Education. Like many other societies in my country, Nigeria, many people in my community find it difficult to provide for themselves the basic necessities of life; food, cloth and shelter. Thus, to attend school, (especially at the tertiary level) is always difficult for most of them since it involves a lot of expenses. Moreover, for the majority of those that are relatively rich, the ignorance of what it means to be educated always rules them.

However, I am lucky to be among the few who had the opportunity to attend university in the community. This happened due to my parent's support, especially my father who was a petty trader in one of the cities of my country. That is where he was inspired to support me for a university study.

Therefore, right from the time I began to understand how things move in my society, I strongminded to work hard and study well in school with the ambition that someday I will contribute to the development of my society. And so has happened!

After my first year in a university, I joined a community association founded by some of our elders, where I was given the position of Academic Secretary. In other words, I was saddled with the responsibilities of coordinating and managing all the academic affairs within the community. While holding this position, I succeeded in mobilizing voluntary teachers within and from the outside of the community, to be teaching in the community primary and secondary schools because the schools had insufficient teachers. Moreover, I also succeeded in initiating 'Mass adult literacy program', a program designed to teach adults who cannot read and write, how to do so. Enormous successes have been recorded over the 2 years I spent on this position; the enrolment rate in to primary and secondary schools has increased, various students have now secured admission into different tertiary institutions, and many adults have now learned how to read and write.

Thus, as a student of Economics during my undergraduate program, I understand that it is the failure of many governments, most especially in the developing countries, to manage Public resources efficiently in such a way that rural areas like my community, should have at least the basic life niceties that will alleviate poverty level, if not being eradicated entirely. As such, I applied to the School of Oriental and African Studies (SOAS), University of London to study M.Sc. Public Financial Management, because of its expertise in developing countries, like my country, Nigeria, with the aim of contributing to its development after the program.

I will appreciate your suggestions.
Regards!