Posts by buttercup

buttercup

Mar 30, 2019

Writing Feedback / IELTS: Graph - the amount of fast food consumed by juveniles in Australia [4]

Hi Cuong, here are some suggestions for your writing:

1. Ielts writing task 1 requires an essay of (at least) 150 words. Your essay is about 120.
2. You used the wrong word to describe the graph content: expenditure. Consumption here means "number of eating times". Expenditure means the amount of money spent which was not presented in the graph.

3. Avoid repeating words to many times.
4. Use adverbs more carefully not to make your essay sound clumsy.

Hope this helps!

buttercup

Mar 25, 2019

Writing Feedback / ielts task 2: discuss both views of choosing subjects at university [3]

Hi @nhuxuan, here are some points in your essay that should be improved.

1. In the body paragraphs, you stated that students would gain better jobs access by both types of study paths because they provide the "greater insight" (POV1) "intimate knowledge" (POV2). I think these ideas are low-developed that they appear not much different although they belong to different study paths. In the conclusion, you marked the career opportunity again so I understand that was the main point that you want to focus in the essay. If so, you should deepen that idea in the body paragraphs.

2. You should be more careful about gramma and words choice. For instance,
- PARTICULARLY in student with tight budget;
- SEVERALs particular subjects, not to mention "several particular" seems unnatural;
- "By concentrating on severals ..." ---> sentence without subject. I think "by" should be removed;
- avoid widely-used verb such as point out, bring to.

Hope this helps and to see you come back with a better essay in the near future :-D

buttercup

Mar 21, 2019

Writing Feedback / IELTS task 2: Stay in the same type of work or change jobs time to time. Discuss both sides/opinion [4]

thanks for your helps @greynd and @lamnhathuy

buttercup

Mar 20, 2019

Writing Feedback / IELTS task 2: Stay in the same type of work or change jobs time to time. Discuss both sides/opinion [4]

IELTS task 2: Some people prefer to stay in the same type of work all their life, and others prefer to change their jobs from time to time. Discuss both sides and state your own opinion.

the same occupation in the whole life or more changes?

Essay:

People tend to make different choices regarding their occupations. While somebody persist in only one job during their life time, others would like to change it frequently. This essay will discuss these both sides as well as present a personal statement.

On the one hand, sticking to one job is an ideal way to ensure a stable life. To specify, employees, who have performed a particular job for a long time, could gain high competence and credibility in their field. Those achievement could secure them a respectful status and income in the companies. Additionally, they can accumulate a good saving and retirement pension because their income are not interrupted.

On the other hand, there are also understandable reasons why some people often feel necessary to change their jobs. Once a job is performed many times, employees may find it predictable and creative drained. Therefore, switching to new environment would rekindle working excitement and creativity. Besides, new environment can also be an opportunity for ones learn and grow as a person.

In my perspective, there is no right or wrong in choosing one of those abovementioned career paths. One's decision should be considered on his or her own several aspects such as characters, ability, and life expectation. For example, creative-mind persons cannot redo the same task over the time; or low adaptive nature persons would be likely to less change their jobs. I believe whenever all the conditions meet, people would achieve the best job performance, not to mention a comfortable life.

To sum up, it can be reasonable either people stay in the same occupation in their whole life or change it many times. The more important issue is that their choices match with their conditions so that the fruitful results can be produced.

(294 words)

Hi, I am an Ielts student that would like to seek your help on my above essay. Please feel free to leave your comments as they are all appreciated.