IELTS task 2: Some people prefer to stay in the same type of work all their life, and others prefer to change their jobs from time to time. Discuss both sides and state your own opinion.
the same occupation in the whole life or more changes?
Essay:
People tend to make different choices regarding their occupations. While somebody persist in only one job during their life time, others would like to change it frequently. This essay will discuss these both sides as well as present a personal statement.
On the one hand, sticking to one job is an ideal way to ensure a stable life. To specify, employees, who have performed a particular job for a long time, could gain high competence and credibility in their field. Those achievement could secure them a respectful status and income in the companies. Additionally, they can accumulate a good saving and retirement pension because their income are not interrupted.
On the other hand, there are also understandable reasons why some people often feel necessary to change their jobs. Once a job is performed many times, employees may find it predictable and creative drained. Therefore, switching to new environment would rekindle working excitement and creativity. Besides, new environment can also be an opportunity for ones learn and grow as a person.
In my perspective, there is no right or wrong in choosing one of those abovementioned career paths. One's decision should be considered on his or her own several aspects such as characters, ability, and life expectation. For example, creative-mind persons cannot redo the same task over the time; or low adaptive nature persons would be likely to less change their jobs. I believe whenever all the conditions meet, people would achieve the best job performance, not to mention a comfortable life.
To sum up, it can be reasonable either people stay in the same occupation in their whole life or change it many times. The more important issue is that their choices match with their conditions so that the fruitful results can be produced.
(294 words)
Hi, I am an Ielts student that would like to seek your help on my above essay. Please feel free to leave your comments as they are all appreciated.Please note that my comment is based on personal experience
1) "while somebody persist" I think "while some individual persist" would sound better. Not to mention that it should have been "somebody persistS"
2) "This essay will discuss these both sides" , i don't think "these both sides" would sound natural here (because of the word "these"), also if you wanna try something different then take a look at my version: "This essay will clarify both views..."
3)"good saving and retirement pension because their income are not interrupted." should it be "their incomeS" ?
Hi buttercup,
These are a few problems I can spot from your essay, hope it helps.
1. "high competence and credibility in their field. Those achievement" - Achievement is countable and it is unlikely that employers do count high competence and credibility as a form of achievement.
2. Be careful when choosing words to form a collocation. For example, respectful status -> high status, retirement pension -> pension, income ...interrupted , etc.
3. You devoted a whole paragraph to state your opinion, which is good. However, your T.A score may suffer as you did not elaborate on some ideas (to save space for your opinion, obviously). Specifically, "Besides, new environment can also be ..." would be considered an attempt to reach some mysteriously standard length/ number of sentences for each paragraph.
4. "I believe whenever all the conditions meet ..." This is vague and hard to understand, please consider rewrite this sentence.
thanks for your helps @greynd and @lamnhathuy
