kimese
Jul 31, 2019
Writing Feedback / IELTS WRITING TASK 2: whether people should increase the limit of retirement age. [3]
SOME SAY THAT BECAUSE MANY PEOPLE LIVE MUCH LONGER, THE AGE AT WHICH PEOPLE RETIRE FROM WORK SHOULD BE RAISED CONSIDERABLY. TO WHAT EXTENT DO YOU AGREE OR DISAGREE?
In contemporary society, that the longer retirement should be taken into consideration due to the longer life expectancy has generated a hotly debated. I partly agree with that statement for the following reasons.
The longer life expectancy is a consequence of a better welfare, medical condition,etc. Thus, working for some more years is expected by many people, however, simultaneously it raises various concerns in this day and age. Firstly, senior citizens may face to several heatlthy problems such as heart attack, dementia, ... which may harm their productivity in terms of company's benefits. Moreover, healthy problems such as these in elderly people are extremely dangerous and none of us expect that just because of working. In addition, a longer retirement generates job-hunting burdens on graduates. To clarify that, according to previous studies, a huge workforce who had finished their 4 years education could not find a job since the full of employee in firms.
However, retirement does not mean that older people are suppose to stay at home without any contributing to society. As a former skilled labour, their culmulative experiences are valuable and very helpful to young generation. It is undeniable that many experts in some areas such as profession teachers or doctors are old but they still play a key role with a huge impact in their fields. Besides, regarding in the countries which have to face with population aging, increasing limit of retirement might also considered as a solution to deal with allocated workforce.
In conclusion, in light of afore- mentioned factors, I am more convinced that increase the retirement age will do more harm than good. It is recommended that the negative influences of that tendency should be taken into serious consideration before be conducted.
please evalute and give the possible band score for my essay.
SOME SAY THAT BECAUSE MANY PEOPLE LIVE MUCH LONGER, THE AGE AT WHICH PEOPLE RETIRE FROM WORK SHOULD BE RAISED CONSIDERABLY. TO WHAT EXTENT DO YOU AGREE OR DISAGREE?
the idea of retirement in the longevity era
In contemporary society, that the longer retirement should be taken into consideration due to the longer life expectancy has generated a hotly debated. I partly agree with that statement for the following reasons.
The longer life expectancy is a consequence of a better welfare, medical condition,etc. Thus, working for some more years is expected by many people, however, simultaneously it raises various concerns in this day and age. Firstly, senior citizens may face to several heatlthy problems such as heart attack, dementia, ... which may harm their productivity in terms of company's benefits. Moreover, healthy problems such as these in elderly people are extremely dangerous and none of us expect that just because of working. In addition, a longer retirement generates job-hunting burdens on graduates. To clarify that, according to previous studies, a huge workforce who had finished their 4 years education could not find a job since the full of employee in firms.
However, retirement does not mean that older people are suppose to stay at home without any contributing to society. As a former skilled labour, their culmulative experiences are valuable and very helpful to young generation. It is undeniable that many experts in some areas such as profession teachers or doctors are old but they still play a key role with a huge impact in their fields. Besides, regarding in the countries which have to face with population aging, increasing limit of retirement might also considered as a solution to deal with allocated workforce.
In conclusion, in light of afore- mentioned factors, I am more convinced that increase the retirement age will do more harm than good. It is recommended that the negative influences of that tendency should be taken into serious consideration before be conducted.
please evalute and give the possible band score for my essay.
