Wildcat8803
Oct 12, 2009
Undergraduate / FSU-"Vires, Artes, Mores"-my experiences in life (first draft) [7]
Second Draft
Prompt: For almost one hundred years, the Latin words, "Vires, Artes, Mores" have been the guiding philosophy behind Florida State University . Vires signifies strength of all kinds - moral, physical, and intellectual; Artes alludes to the beauty of intellectual pursuits as exemplified in skill, craft, or art; and Mores refers to character, custom, or tradition. Describe how one or more of the values embodied in these concepts are reflected in your life.
-Thank all of you for your feedback, it has really helped me, but I'm having a little trouble deciding on my introduction. My second intro seems more engaging, but I can't think of a final sentence to transition it from that paragraph to the first body paragraph. Please let me know what you think.
Introduction #1
The values found in the words Vires, Artes, and Mores play an important role in my life from helping me to become a more responsible and respectable individual to giving me the will and courage to strive for my dreams. I have always tried to do my best so I could reach my goals and be a good example for others to follow. However, all these qualities did not come easily; rather they were developed after a lot of hard work and experience.
Introduction #2
There are some values that come easily, but there are also those like the ones found in Vires, Artes and Mores, that only develop after a lot of hard work and experience. In my life I have struggled with some of these experiences, trying to overcome the tests to reach my goals and be a good example for others.
When I graduated from eighth grade my dad offered me an incredible opportunity that I was quite nervous about. He proposed I travel with him over summer break in his souvenir business with NASCAR. It seemed to be a stretch for a shy person like me to travel around the country and meet thousands of different people every weekend, but having never been one to back down from a challenge, I accepted. During my first day on the job I arrived at five-thirty in the morning to meet the five other people I would be working alongside for the next eight weeks. As soon as we opened the store the job became a test of strength and endurance as I waited on one customer after another, not getting a break until race-time and knowing I would be right back there the next day. But after my first day I felt I had gained some valuable information. First, I found that to be a successful sales person, I had to be able to think fast on my feet. Second, I discovered that the most important part of the job was establishing a good connection with the customer to determine what they needed and to provide them with that product. It became a great adventure as I expanded my character traits by becoming more independent and more outgoing, developing new friendships and strengths on the way. Since then I have gladly done it every summer.
Another area where I have grown is in media art, especially in painting and scratchboard. I won first place for two of my mixed media drawings at the Fernandina Beach Shrimp Festival. In high school I started to fine tune my skills and put more effort into my work by taking more challenging courses like Portfolio. My most successful pieces have been about animals, which have enabled me to understand them on a different level and have become part of my inspiration to become a zoologist. The rest of my inspiration has come from growing up with animals and reaching out to volunteer at local humane societies.
Through all of these experiences I have come to develop the communication skills, creative talent, personal characteristics and determination that are required to become a zoologist. On becoming one I hope to travel around the world, see diverse cultures, represent Florida State University and discover more about the secrets that animals hold. It is my hope to open more doors for our world and future generations.
Second Draft
Prompt: For almost one hundred years, the Latin words, "Vires, Artes, Mores" have been the guiding philosophy behind Florida State University . Vires signifies strength of all kinds - moral, physical, and intellectual; Artes alludes to the beauty of intellectual pursuits as exemplified in skill, craft, or art; and Mores refers to character, custom, or tradition. Describe how one or more of the values embodied in these concepts are reflected in your life.
-Thank all of you for your feedback, it has really helped me, but I'm having a little trouble deciding on my introduction. My second intro seems more engaging, but I can't think of a final sentence to transition it from that paragraph to the first body paragraph. Please let me know what you think.
Introduction #1
The values found in the words Vires, Artes, and Mores play an important role in my life from helping me to become a more responsible and respectable individual to giving me the will and courage to strive for my dreams. I have always tried to do my best so I could reach my goals and be a good example for others to follow. However, all these qualities did not come easily; rather they were developed after a lot of hard work and experience.
Introduction #2
There are some values that come easily, but there are also those like the ones found in Vires, Artes and Mores, that only develop after a lot of hard work and experience. In my life I have struggled with some of these experiences, trying to overcome the tests to reach my goals and be a good example for others.
When I graduated from eighth grade my dad offered me an incredible opportunity that I was quite nervous about. He proposed I travel with him over summer break in his souvenir business with NASCAR. It seemed to be a stretch for a shy person like me to travel around the country and meet thousands of different people every weekend, but having never been one to back down from a challenge, I accepted. During my first day on the job I arrived at five-thirty in the morning to meet the five other people I would be working alongside for the next eight weeks. As soon as we opened the store the job became a test of strength and endurance as I waited on one customer after another, not getting a break until race-time and knowing I would be right back there the next day. But after my first day I felt I had gained some valuable information. First, I found that to be a successful sales person, I had to be able to think fast on my feet. Second, I discovered that the most important part of the job was establishing a good connection with the customer to determine what they needed and to provide them with that product. It became a great adventure as I expanded my character traits by becoming more independent and more outgoing, developing new friendships and strengths on the way. Since then I have gladly done it every summer.
Another area where I have grown is in media art, especially in painting and scratchboard. I won first place for two of my mixed media drawings at the Fernandina Beach Shrimp Festival. In high school I started to fine tune my skills and put more effort into my work by taking more challenging courses like Portfolio. My most successful pieces have been about animals, which have enabled me to understand them on a different level and have become part of my inspiration to become a zoologist. The rest of my inspiration has come from growing up with animals and reaching out to volunteer at local humane societies.
Through all of these experiences I have come to develop the communication skills, creative talent, personal characteristics and determination that are required to become a zoologist. On becoming one I hope to travel around the world, see diverse cultures, represent Florida State University and discover more about the secrets that animals hold. It is my hope to open more doors for our world and future generations.
