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Posts by bam1992
Joined: Oct 4, 2009
Last Post: Oct 6, 2009
Threads: 2
Posts: 4  
From: United States of America

Displayed posts: 6
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bam1992   
Oct 6, 2009
Undergraduate / Common App - Biotechnology and Agriculture [2]

Prompt: Discuss some issue of personal, local, national, or international concern and its importance to you.

I'm applying as a plant science major, so I thought this would be a good topic. I really need to shorten it (it's almost 700 words) and add more about why the issue is important to me, so let me know if you find anything unnecessary or uninteresting. Unless you don't think I need to.

Thanks!

Biotechnology is a rapidly progressing field, emerging from the scientific realm into the world of consumers and farmers with a plethora or ethical and dilemmas attached. As a person concerned with global health and food safety, I believe that the ethics and risks of genetic modification in organisms need to be carefully considered, especially those intended for agronomic purposes.

The controversy surrounding the use of biotechnology for food products is important to me because I am concerned about the safety of the world's food supply as well as the biosphere, and I realize that during my career as a scientist, I will undoubtedly encounter ethical dilemmas about which I need to make the correct decision. I do believe that many benefits can and will come from bioengineered crops, but for these crops to be safely implemented, scientists and governing agencies must be prudent.

Throughout history, human development of new technologies has almost always resulted in a net benefit for the individual, as well as for society as a whole. It is naïve, of course, to assume that because biotechnology is a technological innovation, it will have the same type of effects and consequences as the plow, the printing press, or the internal combustion engine. Unlike these machines, biotechnology involves the direct manipulation of the molecular structure of plant and animals, instead of simply reshaping and using metal, wood, or petroleum. Because biotechnology is a relatively recent development, it is necessary to assess risks that have never before been associated with other forms of technology and long-term effects of these genetic alterations, which cannot have been fully observed or recorded. Negative effects of biotechnology may not only result in food safety and moral issues, but also in economic and environmental ones.

Some sources state genetically modified crops could help developing countries in producing more crops of a higher quality, and therefore the countries could begin to export commodities and become a successful part of the world economy. The prospect of a better future for this type of country may sound promising, but in the long-term, any positive effects should be viewed as theoretical at best. If South Africa would adopt American genetically engineered crops, the immediate effect would certainly be a boon in agriculture within the country. Despite this, when the country began to export the surplus, it would not be able to compete with the same products coming from the United States, because national subsidies drive prices too low for any realistic competition. African farmers would be forced to sell their crops at a much less than reasonable price, a situation that certainly could not be described as a benefit of biotechnology. Instead of helping developing nations' economies grow, biotechnology could effectively lock farmers into a worldwide commodity system in which they are unable to compete, while depending on corporate seeds and crops to sustain their meager livelihood. In short, I believe developing nations could become an extension of American industrial agriculture.

The use of genetically modified crops in countries other than the U.S. can also be dangerous for health reasons. The United States Department of Agriculture, the Environmental Protection Agency, and the Food and Drug Administration are all in place in the United States to regulate food products by testing them and monitoring production. In some other countries, however, until more regulation is present, biotechnology applied to food products could be dangerous. One example of the lack of necessary legislation is in South Africa, where the labeling of genetically modified foods is not required by law. This, in a worst-case scenario, could result in harmful strains of crops being distributed to oblivious consumers in Africa.

A healthy amount of skepticism will certainly aid in the safety of food products as biotechnology is used in different ways, and is spread throughout the world. Biotechnology techniques certainly can be used to increase the yield of crops, but for these advances to take place responsibly, biotechnology needs to be monitored worldwide, and restrained if necessary. Regulations must ensure that new crops are not introduced too quickly without allowing for the full testing and realization of long-term negative effects that could arise through their use.
bam1992   
Oct 6, 2009
Undergraduate / "some people are meant to go to college" - Undergraduate Admissions essay [2]

Avoid contractions...they shouldn't be in formal writing.
Also it would probably be good if you give more details about how you want to become successful, how you'll use your education, and how your experiences have influenced that.

"many there aren't peers setting positive examples" - Don't need those two words.

"My Family history, and" - Shouldn't be capitalized, and comma is unecessary.

"single-parent" - you don't need the dash.

"struggled raising my siblings and I" - should be "my siblings and me."

Hope this helps!
bam1992   
Oct 5, 2009
Undergraduate / 'The Backyard Baseball League' - Common Application Personal Essay- Wiffleball [3]

You might want to be more descriptive/creative in your writing. You could write an introduction with lots of imagery about playing wiffleball.

Grammar and spelling seemed pretty good overall, just a couple things:

"Following an evening a wiffleball,"

You say "stats" fairly often. You shouldn't use informal abbreviations like this...maybe you could replace some of them with "data" or "information."

"made this self-discovery, if the BBL never existed." Don't need the comma there.

"myself and two others" should be "two others and I" or "two friends and I."
bam1992   
Oct 4, 2009
Undergraduate / "Brett, you're so fat." "Lose some weight!" - Experience; Common App [6]

Yeah, I've been having trouble deciding on a topic...I wasn't sure if this would be a good one to write about. Do you think it's worth trying to fix?

I can add more about why the experience is significant.

I couldn't find statistics for the U.S., but in 2001 4% of males in the U.K. were underweight. Although it's probably higher for just the teenage demographic. And 67% of adults in the U.S. are overweight or obese...that's a majority. I guess I should put that in.

I'll see what I can do.

Thanks!
bam1992   
Oct 4, 2009
Undergraduate / "Brett, you're so fat." "Lose some weight!" - Experience; Common App [6]

I'm using this for the common app's "Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you" prompt. Any advice is appreciated! Please don't be nice.

"Brett, you're so fat." "Lose some weight!" These were not uncommon statements heard at my lunch table during middle school. I have been unusually underweight for the majority of my life, and dealing with the comments, opinions, and envy directed toward my physical condition has certainly been an interesting experience, one that has and will continue to alter my life and my perception of others, as well as myself.

I suppose my friends at the lunch table saw this type of sarcasm as entertaining, but I certainly did not. It wasn't because I was uncomfortable with my thinness, but was more associated with not appreciating the attention that it drew. My introvert instincts told me to sit there and quietly laugh along. This memory is one of the few blemishes on my otherwise positive middle school experience.

I would often wonder if I should have been offended by the comments. What if I were obese? An obese person would almost inevitably become angry or upset if one of his friends jokingly said, "you're so thin." Why is being underweight any different? Many might answer that being thin is perceived as desirable, but I don't feel this is true when others consistently draw attention to it.

I've also had countless discussions with counselors and peers genuinely concerned with my health, asking me about my eating habits and eating disorders. At one point, my parents attempted to encourage me, saying I should try to "beef up." I half-heartedly complied, but never dedicated myself to this cause because I saw no imminent need to gain weight. I was perfectly fine how I was.

Eventually, of course, the sarcastic comments and semi-awkward discussions began to fade away. Either my friends grew tired of using the same lines, or they actually began to mature. Now, I am still occasionally reminded of my lack of fat, but most people have come to accept my diminutive width. There are still the times when a stranger will approach me and say, "ohmygosh, you're so thin!" But I just thank them and move on to the next subject.

Living as an underweight male in a world where over one billion adults are overweight and in a country where nearly a third of the population is obese isn't easy. Everything from school food to ??? is optimized for overweight people. At least those affected by obesity have strength in numbers: there are enough to create a huge market for weight loss services and products, a luxury that is unquestionably more widely available than weight-gain services. However, I am not saying I have no empathy for people who are overweight. In fact, my experiences have shown me just how difficult it can be to change your weight.

I truly don't resent any of the comments my friends made about me because I don't believe they were intended to be malicious in any way. In fact, I am still good friends with most of the people who sat at that lunch table. I continue to be content with being underweight, and appreciate the difference in my life that this condition has created.
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