ConnieG315
Oct 16, 2019
Scholarship / Medicine in Nigeria - Commonwealth scholarship. 'to make an impact in your home country' [3]
Hello,
first of all, good luck for your scholarship application.
Concerning your essay, I have two things to say:
- on Form: they have some words that are unnecessary repeat like in the sentence "... because in Nigeria, only courses ... relevant in Nigeria" and "Although my first year ... to humanity, but I try my ...". I think you need to reread yourself and correct some mistakes that have slip in. I also think that sometimes, your sentences are too long.
- concerning content: I think the main struggle that you faced is that people tried to discouraged you because they taught your choice of study was useless. Even you believed that at first, until you research the subject and convince yourself and others of usefulness of biochemistry. But it's difficult to follow you. You need to structure more yours ideas, one idea by paragraph and suppress sentences that convey the same ideas.
Hello,
first of all, good luck for your scholarship application.
Concerning your essay, I have two things to say:
- on Form: they have some words that are unnecessary repeat like in the sentence "... because in Nigeria, only courses ... relevant in Nigeria" and "Although my first year ... to humanity, but I try my ...". I think you need to reread yourself and correct some mistakes that have slip in. I also think that sometimes, your sentences are too long.
- concerning content: I think the main struggle that you faced is that people tried to discouraged you because they taught your choice of study was useless. Even you believed that at first, until you research the subject and convince yourself and others of usefulness of biochemistry. But it's difficult to follow you. You need to structure more yours ideas, one idea by paragraph and suppress sentences that convey the same ideas.