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Posts by null_space
Name: L
Joined: Jan 10, 2020
Last Post: Jan 10, 2020
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null_space   
Jan 10, 2020
Writing Feedback / Regional household recycling rates - MY FIRST IELTS WRITING TASK 1 [3]

I can tell that you understood the graph; however, you have a few grammatical errors.

"Furthermore, the graph witnessed a plunge": Since a graph is not sentient, it is considered awkward to use "witnessed" in this context, or any action verb, for that matter.

"Furthermore, France witnessed a plunge": possible alternative

"In 2005 the former stood at around 35%.: Don't forget to add "at"

... about 35%, but in the last period it reached the highest percentage of ... : This is a bit of a run-on sentence. I would make the second clause (", but ...") its own sentence. --> "However, in the last period..."

"changed France position": a little awkward and grammatically incorrect
"switched positions with France": possible alternative

"Even though, in the first ...t rank at about 20%, it peaked at the second ...: Just little things.

Overall, great job!
null_space   
Jan 10, 2020
Letters / Readmission Letter for College [2]

Readmission Letter for College

The following is a letter I have addressed to my school's admissions office. Any feedback would be very much appreciated. Thank you in advance.

To whom it may concern:

I am writing concerning the eventual re-admission of me, -student name-, into -school name-. As of Fall 2018, I was academically dismissed, as the term suggests, due to my continued substandard performance in my studies. Although I know that I am undeserving of this, I would like to be able to re-enroll at -school name- at some point in the near future. During my prolonged time off, I have had time to re-evaluate and evaluate my academic performance, how it could be improved, and what I would like to achieve with my education both while at -school name- and afterwards.

My failings at -school name- stemmed from my own immaturity, lack of responsibility, and inability to approach others with my problems - not from their own failings, but my own. Prior to enrolling in this school, I struggled with depression, anxiety, and physical health issues, but I set them aside to focus on my academic future, not having the foresight to recognize how those would impact my well-being down the road. Of course, it did, and I, being ill-equipped, too immature, too prideful, and too scared to seek the advice of others, quickly succumbed to the reality of failure and inadequacy that to me, defined life at -school name-. I had been, and have been, given so much from this school - things that people would give so much to have - a full-ride scholarship, the opportunity to cover some of my expenses with a part-time job working alongside extremely kind, intelligent, motivated people, and most of all, admittance into a school that I honestly thought was out of my reach in so many ways. In doing so, the people here have displayed a profound trust in my abilities to invest in me and such a way, and I believe that my actions have irrevocably broken this trust. Such realizations and doubts about my future made me question my own intrinsic value and set me off in a dark fog that one particular family member recognized - and despite her entreaties that I take a break from school, I willfully (and regretfully) ignored her and continued to dig a deeper hole for myself. It was not until fall semester of my third year (2018) that I recognized my own folly and resigned myself to a break from -school name- and a fate of failure.

I am not saying all of this for pity's sake, but to highlight that my mindset was unfit for school - I could barely stay awake during my classes, I slept through classes, deadlines, etc., but the stress, depression, and insomnia that caused those issues were exacerbated by my own problems with time management, compartmentalization, procrastination, responsibility, and eventually motivation. And although -school name- had plenty of resources available for me, I was unwilling and too scared to use them or use them properly. I recognize that I am the architect of my own failure.

As I have previously mentioned, however, I am making conscientious steps towards repentance, changing the way I think (and my actions as a result). I have been taking prescription medications, started talking to a psychiatrist (for a short period of time, as I was staying with family in the area), and in order to re-establish a healthy relationship with school and proper study approaches, I enrolled in a school in Japan, successfully completing a three-month Japanese language course as of late December. All of this has helped me to more carefully define what I would like to do for my future, as well as how I would like to invest my time at -school name-. I hope to work as an English teacher in Japan once I graduate, using that experience to create stories for video games and similar experiences for children seeking therapy, as I hope to have a better grasp of the language and understanding of the issues that the children (and future workforce of Japan) face. Meanwhile, at -school name-, I hope to utilize the unique opportunities that the school provides and connect with other students through the Language Café and Japanese Student Association, while taking courses related to Interactive Design and in particular, - a particular class provided by my college-. When I face struggles in school, I will know that the resources open to me and will use them properly and within a timely manner. In regards to my mental wellbeing, I plan to reconnect with campus ministries that I was previously involved with and pursue counseling through the school, while continuing with my prescription medication.

Thank you for taking the time to read my extremely long, detailed and personal letter. I understand completely if -school name- does not accept me for re-admission, but thank you again for your time, consideration, and patience.

Sincerely,
-Name-
-Student ID-