Writing Feedback / The population of some nations witness a larger proportion of the youngster vs senior citizens [2]

[IELTS ACADEMIC-WRITTING TASK 2] THE POPULATION

At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

Presently, the population of some nations witnessed a larger proportion of the youngster in comparison with that of senior citizens. This essay will discuss the pros and cons of this situation and provide evidences as to why the benefits of this trend would overshadow its drawbacks.

On the one hand, there are two major disadvantages when the number of the elderly shrinks. Firstly, the aged offer valued experiences known as folk wisdom on many aspects such as child rearing or traditional remedy, which the youth may hardly known. For example, the elderly would take advantage of natural herbs to overcome a flu instead of taking medicine. The herbal remedy has long been recognized as an economical but effective treatment for these common illnesses. Secondly, the decrease of old population may in turn make the cultural preservation suffer. In fact, some traditional professions dated back to 100 years ago, such as pottery making are handed down from generation to generation thanks to senior citizens. As young adults are no loner concerned about these traditional cultures, a part of national heritage may become vanished.

On the other hand, I believe that the benefits are more significant than such disadvantages. One reason for this view is that thanks to their creativity, the youngsters come up with more innovations in creating leading-edge technologies, which allow people' lives to be more handy. As young adults are able to transform their ideas into a reality thanks to more effective approach to up-to-date information compared with the old ones, they could take over the role of state future owners. Another reasons is that juveniles are responsible for national economic development. It is true that countries with higher percentages of young population would progress faster. The more youthful laborers there are, the more sustainably a country would develop.

In conclusion, nations with younger population is not without disadvantages, however, I believe that the upsides would justify these

Writing Feedback / Magical Tool - [IELTS ACADEMIC-WRITING TASK 2] MUSIC'S EXTRAORDINARY ABILITIES [3]

MUSIC BONDS people together

Topic: Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different cultures and ages together. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

It is believed that music has functions to form a close-knit relationship between people of different ages worldwide. I completely agree with this view for a whole host of reasons.

First, music has the power to connect people coming from different cultures. It might be explained by the fact that music attracts people through its memorable melody or even strong rhythm, regardless of which languages that the songs were written in. Once listeners has loved the songs, they would be willing to find out the cultural meanings hidden deeply in these works of art. In fact, since 2000s, Korean music industry has successfully created Hallyu wave, which is also known as a rising global popularity of South Korean culture. This wave had a great impact on the young generation, a growing number of youngsters were eager to learn Korean, and chosen Korea to study oversea.

Second, music sets no limit on ages. Clearly, people aged differently have various ways to enjoy music. For example, listeners in their fifties would be able to comprehend the loneliness hidden in a song, however, younger men could find the joy of being a lonely person that composer expressed in his or her music. Different sentiments of a work of art could then be shared between different generations, which is a unique way to bridge the gap between the young and the aged, and to bring people together.

In conclusion, I believe that music is a magical tool that enable people to understand each other, irrespective of their cultures or ages.

P/s: if possible, please help me to check my band score, by the way, i am not really confident with the examples written in the essay, could you help me with examples? Thank you.