BlueInk
Oct 22, 2009
Poetry / 5th grader's Acrostic Poem [10]
I'll let you know what the teacher says when he gets it back.
I'll let you know what the teacher says when he gets it back.
BlueInk
Oct 21, 2009
Graduate / MFA Creative Writing Essay [3]
Very early draft. I need to bring it all together.
Here are the questions I need to answer in the one page, single spaced essay:
What led me to apply, why I want to enroll, what do I hope to gain from it, what can I bring to it
and How did I hear about the writing program at Queens?
Here are the jottings I have, like I said, I'm working on bringing it together:
I recently became very intentional in my writing. Interested in improving my work, I googled 'creative writing classes charlotte nc'. A link to Queens University's MFA program appeared. I was amazed to discover that such a high caliber program existed in my backyard.
What led me to apply: I discovered the program two days before the application deadline for the January term. I frantically started reviewing my writing, wondering which works to submit with my application. With one day left to turn in my submission, I decided to ask for an extension. Within in a day I received an email granting an extension. I was ecstatic! I had a chance!
Why I want to enroll: I want to enroll in the creative writing program at Queens University to learn more about writing from established authors. I look forward to meeting other aspiring writers. I enjoy the classroom experience and I think that the workshops will be challenging and rewarding. I earned many of college credits at both the bachelor's and the master's level through online courses. I am confident in my ability to continue developing my talent during the time spent away from my classmates.
Expectations: I don't expect to walk away from the creative writing program with a new string of letters after my name and have publishers beating down my door, begging to publish my work. What I do expect is to dedicate at least two years of my life to Queens University. I expect to write more often than I ever have, to review and edit the work of my peers, and in the process learn how to improve my own writing. I expect honest and helpful critiques of my works and I expect to be able to use those reviews to edit my pieces. I expect to push myself to
What can I bring to the program: For writing programs like this to succeed, each participant must contribute to, not just take from the program. Stories are everywhere, waiting to be told. I bring with me an abundance of diverse experiences that may help trigger a story waiting to be written. I have served in the U.S. Army, I am married with three kids, I've lived in seven different states, worked in corporate, public, and not-for-profit organizations, and I am currently a stay at home mom. All of these experiences help define who I am and I use all of the pieces in my writing.
Very early draft. I need to bring it all together.
Here are the questions I need to answer in the one page, single spaced essay:
What led me to apply, why I want to enroll, what do I hope to gain from it, what can I bring to it
and How did I hear about the writing program at Queens?
Intentional Writing
Here are the jottings I have, like I said, I'm working on bringing it together:
I recently became very intentional in my writing. Interested in improving my work, I googled 'creative writing classes charlotte nc'. A link to Queens University's MFA program appeared. I was amazed to discover that such a high caliber program existed in my backyard.
What led me to apply: I discovered the program two days before the application deadline for the January term. I frantically started reviewing my writing, wondering which works to submit with my application. With one day left to turn in my submission, I decided to ask for an extension. Within in a day I received an email granting an extension. I was ecstatic! I had a chance!
Why I want to enroll: I want to enroll in the creative writing program at Queens University to learn more about writing from established authors. I look forward to meeting other aspiring writers. I enjoy the classroom experience and I think that the workshops will be challenging and rewarding. I earned many of college credits at both the bachelor's and the master's level through online courses. I am confident in my ability to continue developing my talent during the time spent away from my classmates.
Expectations: I don't expect to walk away from the creative writing program with a new string of letters after my name and have publishers beating down my door, begging to publish my work. What I do expect is to dedicate at least two years of my life to Queens University. I expect to write more often than I ever have, to review and edit the work of my peers, and in the process learn how to improve my own writing. I expect honest and helpful critiques of my works and I expect to be able to use those reviews to edit my pieces. I expect to push myself to
What can I bring to the program: For writing programs like this to succeed, each participant must contribute to, not just take from the program. Stories are everywhere, waiting to be told. I bring with me an abundance of diverse experiences that may help trigger a story waiting to be written. I have served in the U.S. Army, I am married with three kids, I've lived in seven different states, worked in corporate, public, and not-for-profit organizations, and I am currently a stay at home mom. All of these experiences help define who I am and I use all of the pieces in my writing.
BlueInk
Oct 21, 2009
Writing Feedback / 'an evil demon' - It was only a dream; essay [4]
Here's a few suggestions:
... half past six, meanwhile mingling with the clanking and sizzling sound ...
It's Monday, distinctly showing on the calender as yet another school day. After having my daily routine with two slides (pieces?) of toasts (don't need the s) and a glass of milk, I jumped on to my rickety bicycle which had a twisted gear set and a grotesquely distorted handle. My heart was throbbing wit h joy since first light (...) with the caressing breeze. (This last sentence could be revised for better flow.)
... an evil demon descended as the school was being enshrounded in ... (Please breat up this long sentence) Every student was being in their own position (not sure what this means) , silently, as the clock ...
It was (had) never brimmed sweet and ...
Mo ments later, the punishment was swift, ...
Life was not easy, with rough and tumble stu mbling stones even hurdles ...
Here's a few suggestions:
... half past six, meanwhile mingling with the clanking and sizzling sound ...
It's Monday, distinctly showing on the calender as yet another school day. After having my daily routine with two slides (pieces?) of toasts (don't need the s) and a glass of milk, I jumped on to my rickety bicycle which had a twisted gear set and a grotesquely distorted handle. My heart was throbbing wit h joy since first light (...) with the caressing breeze. (This last sentence could be revised for better flow.)
... an evil demon descended as the school was being enshrounded in ... (Please breat up this long sentence) Every student was being in their own position (not sure what this means) , silently, as the clock ...
It was (had) never brimmed sweet and ...
Mo ments later, the punishment was swift, ...
Life was not easy, with rough and tumble stu mbling stones even hurdles ...
BlueInk
Oct 21, 2009
Undergraduate / Describe something in your life that has been meaningful to you. [3]
... "music is the poetry of the air. " andA s a section leader of the largest (...) teaching music to others, and leading musicians ...
... lessons I have learned from it both inside and outside the classroom ...
... my way up to the first chairs in wind ensemble. I was influenced to stick with it (something more positive than "stick with it") primarily by beautiful music ...
... I was a sophomore, our band had received so much notoriety(this word means ill-repute - I think you need a work like acclaimed) that we were asked to ...
After auditioning, I was chosen (selected would be a better word) to be a part of the ...
A broad suggestion would be to open up dictionary.com and go to their thesaurus. There are a few times when you could replace a word with a stronger one. Also, that site will help you replace words you have overused. I noticed you used 'acquired' a few times fairly close together. A quick search of that site, brings up tons of good replacement words. This attention to detail will help your thoughts come across more clearly so the panel can concentrate on your thoughts, not your words, if that makes sense.
good luck!
... "music is the poetry of the air. " andA s a section leader of the largest (...) teaching music to others, and leading musicians ...
... lessons I have learned from it both inside and outside the classroom ...
... my way up to the first chairs in wind ensemble. I was influenced to stick with it (something more positive than "stick with it") primarily by beautiful music ...
... I was a sophomore, our band had received so much notoriety(this word means ill-repute - I think you need a work like acclaimed) that we were asked to ...
After auditioning, I was chosen (selected would be a better word) to be a part of the ...
A broad suggestion would be to open up dictionary.com and go to their thesaurus. There are a few times when you could replace a word with a stronger one. Also, that site will help you replace words you have overused. I noticed you used 'acquired' a few times fairly close together. A quick search of that site, brings up tons of good replacement words. This attention to detail will help your thoughts come across more clearly so the panel can concentrate on your thoughts, not your words, if that makes sense.
good luck!
BlueInk
Oct 16, 2009
Poetry / 5th grader's Acrostic Poem [10]
OK, here is what he turned in. We talked about making it more into a story. I didn't let him read your posts, and I gave him some help when he struggled.
Gold called people's names
Old and young heard the call
Leaving behind their families
Dreaming of discovering gold
Finding their way to California
Every man for himself
Very few people found gold nuggets
Ending the day hot and tired
Resting so they can search tomorrow
OK, here is what he turned in. We talked about making it more into a story. I didn't let him read your posts, and I gave him some help when he struggled.
Gold called people's names
Old and young heard the call
Leaving behind their families
Dreaming of discovering gold
Finding their way to California
Every man for himself
Very few people found gold nuggets
Ending the day hot and tired
Resting so they can search tomorrow
BlueInk
Oct 10, 2009
Poetry / 5th grader's Acrostic Poem [10]
Thank you for all your help! I will take your suggestions and work on this with Andrew.
I'll post again after he makes his revisions.
Thank you for all your help! I will take your suggestions and work on this with Andrew.
I'll post again after he makes his revisions.
BlueInk
Oct 9, 2009
Poetry / 5th grader's Acrostic Poem [10]
I'm posting this for my son at his request. He is in fifth and his assignment was to create an Acrostic Poem to Gold Fever for his Westward Movement project.
G old nuggets were rare.
O ld men looked for gold
L ots of people moved to California
D ust from gold is called gold flakes
F leeing to California
E verybody wanted gold
V ery few people found gold nuggets
E very few people found gold flakes
R are finds were good to the people of the gold rush.
Thanks for any reviews!
I'm posting this for my son at his request. He is in fifth and his assignment was to create an Acrostic Poem to Gold Fever for his Westward Movement project.
G old nuggets were rare.
O ld men looked for gold
L ots of people moved to California
D ust from gold is called gold flakes
F leeing to California
E verybody wanted gold
V ery few people found gold nuggets
E very few people found gold flakes
R are finds were good to the people of the gold rush.
Thanks for any reviews!
