Posts by chrisfellach

chrisfellach

May 1, 2020

Letters / "Hectic visit" - Write a letter to your friend. [6]

I think you also have to tell about something that makes you also enjoy during your holiday.
And you can also ask the person about they holiday.

chrisfellach

May 1, 2020

Writing Feedback / WRITING TASK 1 of IELTS: Customers at Three Restaurants [5]

I think you can write about the overview in the first paragraph, obviously after the opening sentence.
For Instance
1. The visitors of Good Eats are gradually increased
2. On the other hand, people who visit Mama's Cafe and Tom's Dinner in the five days shows up and down trend
3. However, Tom's Dinner has the least costumers compare to Mama's cafe and Good Eats and during the five day, the costumers is decreasing.

Then, for the second paragraph, you can write more detail of the number, for example :
1. The number of Good Eats customers in the first day was 150 and in the 5th day it became around 250.
2. In contrast with Good Eats visitors, the number of customers in Tom's Dinner is decreasing from 50 people to approximately 10 people in the last day.

3. Meanwhile, the visitors of Mama's cafe is in the range of 150-250 people but in the third day, it reached the lowest number of visitors for only 100 people.

After that, for the third paragraph you can write the conclusion.
Overall, the restaurant with the highest visitors is Good Eats. The second high is Mama's Cafe and the least costumers is Tom's Dinner.

chrisfellach

Mar 29, 2020

Writing Feedback / Australian household energy use and greenhouse gas emissions. Task 1: IELTS - CAMBRIDGE 10 [7]

Hello,
I think you have too many paragraphs, for writing task 1, I think you can make it into 4 paragraphs only.

chrisfellach

Mar 27, 2020

Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 1: Process diagram: Generating electricity [5]

It is good for you to use word "Initially, After that, At the next stage, and Following" to describe stages. Good Job!

chrisfellach

Mar 27, 2020

Scholarship / Australia Awards Scholarship Supporting Statement (Master of Commerce) [3]

Hello everyone!
I would like to apply Australia Awards Scholarship to study Master of Commerce in UNSW, please give me some feedback about my answer regarding to this question. I would very much appreciate an honest review, feedback, and comment for my essay on why I applied for my courses and institutions. Thank you!

**Why did you choose your proposed course and institution*?**

I am an undergraduate student from Food Technology major. I learned about how to process the raw food into the food that is ready to be sold. When I was in the university, I have done a lot of assignments about food business project. From there, my interest in business and commerce has risen and I find my passion so I am always excited to do some works about business although just little things like projects from my lectures or helping my student association to get money for holding an university event.

After I graduated, I continue my parents business although it is not a food business but they are stationery store, home material store, and hotel. It has been one year and I am getting more interested to learn how professional business works. On the other hand, I feel like I do not have enough knowledge to do a proper business because in my opinion, business is not a small thing and not easy to do, it needs a knowledge to apply. However, I would like to run this business professionally with the ways of big companies do, because I believe even though it is only a small business, but if we run it professionally, the business will become big and grow. That is the reason that strengthen me to take a master degree.

Since my background is not from business, I have lack of knowledge regarding to business, so I prefer to take Master of Commerce as my master degree. As far as I know, it learns about every aspects of business like business analyst, accounting, marketing, human and resource management, finance, business strategy, and business design. My preferred institution is University of New South Wales. I have done some research about this university and it is one of the Group of Eight (Go8) in Australia and consistently ranking within the top 50 worldwide. Especially, UNSW gives many chances to their students to have many experiences in business such as local, national, or international internship, networking with mentors and industry connections.