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WRITING TASK 1 of IELTS: Customers at Three Restaurants

vanessazhang00 2 / 2 1  
Apr 28, 2020   #1
I am preparing for IELTS, and it would be very kind of you to give me some feedbacks. Thanks for your reply

Customers at Three Restaurants

Given is the char that demonstrates the number of clients at three restaurants in five days.

Among all the restaurants, the amount of the people that have visited Tom's Diner was the least in the five-day period. In the first day, the customers of Mama's Café and Food Eats were five times and three times more than Tom's Diner respectively. Moreover, Mama's Café was the most popular one since day one. The number of the customers fell to 100 in the third day, but rose back up to the start point. In comparison, the business of Good Eats was more stable and grew gradually from 150 to 250 clients.

To sum up, the business of Ton's Diner is not doing very well in these five days comparing to the other two restaurants. The number of clients in the Good Eats is an upward trend while Mama's café had dropped and rose back.

Holt  Educational Consultant - / 10,941 3570  
Apr 28, 2020   #2
You have to be accurate in your descriptions. Remember, you are delivering a data report to the examiner. So accuracy in the presentation is important. That is why I have to point out the inaccuracies in your presentation:

- This is not a "char". This is a Line graph. There is no such image as a "char" but there is a "chart". Spelling is important, it can make an accurate word inaccurate when spelled wrong.

There is an incomplete summary overview. The summary overview should have indicated:
- The correct chart identification
- Names of the diners
- Measurement type (by the hundreds of customers)
- Day measurement coverage
- Trending statement (suggested but can be located anywhere in the data presentation)

The number of the customers fell to 100 in the third day, but rose back up to the start point. - For which diner?

You should have at least 3 paragraphs represented in this data report. You do not have that presentation format because your summary overview is incomplete and your last paragraph only has 2 sentences in it. A series of sentences is only considered a complete paragraph when it has 3-5 sentences in it. Good job avoiding the creation of run-on sentences though. Your presentations has an acceptable number of complex sentences.
Ella Pham 1 / 3  
May 1, 2020   #3
You don't have the summary overiew
You used pressent simple and past simple at the same time
"respectively" after a comma.
chrisfellach 1 / 4 3  
May 1, 2020   #4
I think you can write about the overview in the first paragraph, obviously after the opening sentence.
For Instance
1. The visitors of Good Eats are gradually increased
2. On the other hand, people who visit Mama's Cafe and Tom's Dinner in the five days shows up and down trend
3. However, Tom's Dinner has the least costumers compare to Mama's cafe and Good Eats and during the five day, the costumers is decreasing.

Then, for the second paragraph, you can write more detail of the number, for example :
1. The number of Good Eats customers in the first day was 150 and in the 5th day it became around 250.
2. In contrast with Good Eats visitors, the number of customers in Tom's Dinner is decreasing from 50 people to approximately 10 people in the last day.

3. Meanwhile, the visitors of Mama's cafe is in the range of 150-250 people but in the third day, it reached the lowest number of visitors for only 100 people.

After that, for the third paragraph you can write the conclusion.
Overall, the restaurant with the highest visitors is Good Eats. The second high is Mama's Cafe and the least costumers is Tom's Dinner.
TaraAryal23 4 / 12  
May 2, 2020   #5
Always follow the same format for Task 1
1. Introductory (Paraphrasing plus key point)
2. Overview
3. Body Paragraph

Like this way: Mama's cafe witnessed a rapid decrease during the first 3 days before accelerating in the next days.

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