Writing Feedback / The pipe chart give information about electricity energy [3]

Overall, you should work on your grammar and your choice of words as your essay is stiff and kind of puzzling.
your introduction should be paraphrased, in that way you will have a better chance of scoring high.
Your overview should be brief, and should only contain IMPORTANT INFORMATION such as trends, largest figures, etc.
A few things you should notice:
"twofold" only goes before a noun, "double' should be the word in this case
'On the contrast' seems wrong- it should be "by contrast' or "on the contrary"
'drastic' is for something negative and should not be used with "growth"- you can use other adjectives such as sharp, significant, considerable,etc.
Therefore:
1. Focus more on perfecting your grammar
2. It is good to learn from other writers but you must learn how to use the phrases and structures properly
3. a variety of word forms and sentences( especially comparisons) must be included in your essay

Writing Feedback / IELTS WRITING TASK 2: SPENDING TIME AND MONEY ON THE PROTECTION OF WILD ANIMALS - AGREE OR DISAGREE [4]

Your essay lacks cohesion and a little bit stiff (maybe try working on the format of the essay by reading samples essays. You should also paraphrase the prompt when writing introductions and conclusions, you may get a more points for task response in that way.

You should also discuss the topic more thoroughly. For example, you can also talk about why we should not spend money on animals. In that way, your essay will have depth. Check out samples essays on sites.