Posts by Evi_Nurliza [Suspended]

Evi_Nurliza

Mar 31, 2020

Writing Feedback / The line graph illustrates how people consumed fast food in UK per week [6]

hi.. i wanna give an additional suggestion for you.
it is about the overlapping. that's so interesting as a key feature to write and it has 2 overlapping that have same number.

Evi_Nurliza

Mar 31, 2020

Scholarship / Current Duties and Responsibilities as District Program Coordinator [6]

hi, i found some mistakes in grammar.
1. to health facilities ensure strong ... = it's better to the health facilities and ensure the people having strong recording and reporting system as well.
2. be careful with semicolon usage, it'll make some ambiguities in the sentence.
3. put some linking words will be better i guess

Evi_Nurliza

Mar 30, 2020

Writing Feedback / Our planet's nature - writing IELTS Task 2 cambridge 14 [3]

question
some people say that the main environmental problem of our time is the loss of particular species of plants and animals. others say that are more important environmental problems.

discuss both these views and give your own opinion

answer:

Many people says that nowadays the problem of our planet's nature is losing some species of plants and animals. While other people think that there are more important environment problems. This essay will discuss both problems and solutions.

Firstly, One of the reason that the population of the animals decreased is that the atmosphere becoming worse year per year. For Example, In a district called Bekasi is place where almost all of the factories spreaded, and it makes the gas spread freely through the sky. In addition, on a busy city we can conclude that there are large number of private transportation like cars and motorcycles and this make the environment damaged too.

Secondly, There are a lot of company that use animals for their own needs. For example, many people use animals as an object for experiment, On the other hand, this experiment bring nothing but only making the population decreased. Another example is that some of the makeup companies use certain animals for just making their own product having improvement. If these things still done by humans carelessly, some of the animals will extinct.

Another hand, there is a major problem of human health. Nowadays, people live near the industrial place for some reasons such as near from works and the cost relative cheap. There are some problems of this aspects. One of them is that they use to inhale the industrial gas which makes some serious desease such as cancer and heart desease.

In conclusion, I believe that by reduce the killing of certain animals can lead us to prevent the extinction of the animals itself and the government need to spread the factory in varios district not just in one place, So that the citizen will not inhale the killer gas anynmore.