ly3108
Apr 8, 2020
Writing Feedback / Can a country be more interesting and develop quickly when it has a mixture of nationalities? [3]
Thank you for your comments! I will fix my mistakes!
Thank you for your comments! I will fix my mistakes!
ly3108
Apr 8, 2020
Writing Feedback / Can a country be more interesting and develop quickly when it has a mixture of nationalities? [3]
Topic: A country becomes more interesting and develops more quickly when its population includes a mixture of nationalities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
The rise of technology has brought many chances for people to move to another country. Many people argued that whether nationalities mixture could help a country become more fascinating and boost its development or not. In my opinion, I totally agree with the former.
On the one hand, I suppose that a country will become more engaging if it has a diversity of cultures. People from different countries will have chances to acquire knowledge of other cultures as well as other languages. It is an opportunity to learn about other cultures' advantages and integrate themselves in the diversified customs and traditions. The rise of migration wave also establishes parks, restaurants and entertainment malls with different styles contributing to the prosperity of a country's culture. This trend can be clearly seen at cosmopolitan cities like Los Angeles, Beijing, Tokyo and so on.
On the other hand, a mixed culture contributes considerably to a nation's economy. The business as well as the technology can get benefit from knowledge and strength from others. For example, the technology of USA is considered as one of the best in the world, but this achievement belongs to India and Jewish citizens that relocating in this country. Migration wave also diversifed the labour market, provide inexpensive and efficient source of labour for business which magnifies production and stimulates economic growth. Therefore the cost of production can be reduced and the business can gain more profit.
In conclusion, a diverse nationality has a positive impact on both culture and economy of a country.
(Please help me to check this writing. And I know that the conclusion is too short, can you recommend something to improve it? Thank you so much!)
The influence of diverse population on a country
Topic: A country becomes more interesting and develops more quickly when its population includes a mixture of nationalities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
The rise of technology has brought many chances for people to move to another country. Many people argued that whether nationalities mixture could help a country become more fascinating and boost its development or not. In my opinion, I totally agree with the former.
On the one hand, I suppose that a country will become more engaging if it has a diversity of cultures. People from different countries will have chances to acquire knowledge of other cultures as well as other languages. It is an opportunity to learn about other cultures' advantages and integrate themselves in the diversified customs and traditions. The rise of migration wave also establishes parks, restaurants and entertainment malls with different styles contributing to the prosperity of a country's culture. This trend can be clearly seen at cosmopolitan cities like Los Angeles, Beijing, Tokyo and so on.
On the other hand, a mixed culture contributes considerably to a nation's economy. The business as well as the technology can get benefit from knowledge and strength from others. For example, the technology of USA is considered as one of the best in the world, but this achievement belongs to India and Jewish citizens that relocating in this country. Migration wave also diversifed the labour market, provide inexpensive and efficient source of labour for business which magnifies production and stimulates economic growth. Therefore the cost of production can be reduced and the business can gain more profit.
In conclusion, a diverse nationality has a positive impact on both culture and economy of a country.
(Please help me to check this writing. And I know that the conclusion is too short, can you recommend something to improve it? Thank you so much!)
ly3108
Apr 8, 2020
Writing Feedback / Should rich countries give other types of help to poorer ones instead of giving financial aids? [3]
@Tang Phuong
Thank you so much Phuong!
@Tang Phuong
Thank you so much Phuong!
ly3108
Apr 8, 2020
Writing Feedback / Toefl independent question - studying art and literature vs math and science [4]
Hi! Firstly I think you have achieved the task response. Your big ideas are quite clear.
However, I think the introduction is too simple and informal. You should make it more academic. You also make a grammar mistake in this part: "If I forced to choose, I disagree with this statement" -> "If I were forced...".
In the next two paragraphs, you provide clear big idea, but the supporting ideas are too long and sometimes irrelevant. You should use more complex sentence as well as upgrade you vocabulary to reinforce your ideas.
Good luck!
Hi! Firstly I think you have achieved the task response. Your big ideas are quite clear.
However, I think the introduction is too simple and informal. You should make it more academic. You also make a grammar mistake in this part: "If I forced to choose, I disagree with this statement" -> "If I were forced...".
In the next two paragraphs, you provide clear big idea, but the supporting ideas are too long and sometimes irrelevant. You should use more complex sentence as well as upgrade you vocabulary to reinforce your ideas.
Good luck!
ly3108
Apr 8, 2020
Writing Feedback / Nowadays parents put too much pressure on their children to succeed. What is the reason? [6]
I think you will get the high mark in task response as well as coherence and cohesion. You also use a large range of vocabulary and grammar. But you should avoid using contractions like "doesn't" or something like that. And avoid spellling mistakes too.
Well done and I learnt from you very much!
I think you will get the high mark in task response as well as coherence and cohesion. You also use a large range of vocabulary and grammar. But you should avoid using contractions like "doesn't" or something like that. And avoid spellling mistakes too.
Well done and I learnt from you very much!
ly3108
Apr 8, 2020
Writing Feedback / Should rich countries give other types of help to poorer ones instead of giving financial aids? [3]
Topic: Rich countries often give money to poorer countries, but it does not solve poverty. Therefore, developed countries should give other types of help to the poor countries rather than financial aid.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?
It can be regularly seen that more developed countries are used to giving out financial aids to assist poorer ones. However, I think that it is inefficient and developed countries should apply other types of help.
On the one hand, money is not a long-term assistance but a temporary and immediate help. Developed countries can not provide money continously and when the poorer ones use up the fund, they will be back to the old situation. For example, if USA open an international institution in a underpriviledged country, the pressure of facilities, teaching quality as well as students' assurance may force the government to stop the institution whenver the foreign funds is gone. Moreover, giving out financial aids may make other countries dependent and they will find it challenging to solve their own problems.
For that reason, I think priviledged countries should try out other types of help with the poorer ones with regard to their obstacles. For example, creating more job opportunities for the poor is a valuable and helpful assistance that appeals to almost all of poor countries. People can have the chance to improve their lives after attending the job center and learning about the jobs suitable for themselves. After graduating, they can choose to stay with the job center to be a tutor or leave and find their own jobs in their hometown. That way of helping will create a long-term and permanent labour resources for the country.
Overall, money is not an effective and permanent help because it do not prove it efficiency in the long run. Therefore, the developed countries should consider other types of help such as engaging the poor in more job opportunities.
(Please help me check this IELTS task 2 essay and give me a band score. Thank you so much!)
an effective and permanent help for poorer nations
Topic: Rich countries often give money to poorer countries, but it does not solve poverty. Therefore, developed countries should give other types of help to the poor countries rather than financial aid.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?
It can be regularly seen that more developed countries are used to giving out financial aids to assist poorer ones. However, I think that it is inefficient and developed countries should apply other types of help.
On the one hand, money is not a long-term assistance but a temporary and immediate help. Developed countries can not provide money continously and when the poorer ones use up the fund, they will be back to the old situation. For example, if USA open an international institution in a underpriviledged country, the pressure of facilities, teaching quality as well as students' assurance may force the government to stop the institution whenver the foreign funds is gone. Moreover, giving out financial aids may make other countries dependent and they will find it challenging to solve their own problems.
For that reason, I think priviledged countries should try out other types of help with the poorer ones with regard to their obstacles. For example, creating more job opportunities for the poor is a valuable and helpful assistance that appeals to almost all of poor countries. People can have the chance to improve their lives after attending the job center and learning about the jobs suitable for themselves. After graduating, they can choose to stay with the job center to be a tutor or leave and find their own jobs in their hometown. That way of helping will create a long-term and permanent labour resources for the country.
Overall, money is not an effective and permanent help because it do not prove it efficiency in the long run. Therefore, the developed countries should consider other types of help such as engaging the poor in more job opportunities.
(Please help me check this IELTS task 2 essay and give me a band score. Thank you so much!)
