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Nowadays parents put too much pressure on their children to succeed. What is the reason?


tinanguyen1510 1 / -  
Apr 7, 2020   #1

stress among kids because of their parent's enforcement



Nowadays parents put too much pressure on their children to succeed.
What is the reason for doing this?
Is this a negative or positive development?

Recently, many children have been suffer a considerable amount of stress in achievement because of their parent's enforcement. The parent's attitude developes due to many reason and the continuoation of this trend will bring negative consequences.

First of all, one of the main factors is the utter care from parent. They always hope the best things for their children such as: a stable job with high salary, a big house, car... Therefore, they make their children to study more, achieve more in life which potentially form the pressure inside the kids. Moreover, some folks are so competitive that they force their children to be more success, more intelligent for them to show off with everyone.

In my point of view, this development is completely negative which will badly impact on children's life. For example, if the child has to put up with a lot of strees and pressure, they will be mentally ill. They will against their parent's desire and do what they think is right for them. In addtition to that, if the result doesn't live up to their expectation, the children will become depression. For instance, according to data, there are 20% children in the world suicide because they think they are loser and make their parent disappointed.As we can see, has it not been for the emotionless of the parent, the children's future would have been change.

In conclusion, though enforcement of parents might help to gain success of children, I believe that this could be psychologically disadvantageous for them. Their future is depend on family's education. So for children today, for future tomorow

Thank you for giving advise
Mifta Libby A - / 2  
Apr 8, 2020   #2
You put a very good conclusion. You conclide all the ideas without repeating any of the aforementioned words. You rephrase it very well.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 11,948 3857  
Apr 8, 2020   #3
You well understood the prompt requirement which is to pick one side, either negative or positive, then defend your stance in the essay. That is not to say that the essay you wrote is perfect. No. It is far from it. It has several grammar related issues that you need to address in your next practice test.

I am not sure if you were paying attention to the way you wrote the essay. You made several spelling mistakes which would definitely lower your GRA score. Your misuse of certain vocabulary will also drag down your LR score. Let's get into specifics.

Spelling:
developes = develops
continuotion - continuation
strees = stress
adtition = addition
tomorow = tomorrow

As you can see, there are more than enough spelling mistakes in your presentation to affect the accuracy of your grammar range. So you will definitely not get a passing score in that section of the test.

Now, for the grammar issues:

You need to familiarize yourself with auxiliary word usage so you will not make a mistake when framing your sentences:

... many children have been suffer a... - ... suffering a...
Their future is depend on family's education. - Their future depends on family education

There is a noun phrase error as well:

...develops due to many reason = ... due to many reasonS

There are also lacking action words in your essay such as descriptive verbs pertaining to:

They will against their parent's desire = ... GO against...

Avoid using contractions as well:

doesn't = does not

These are only some of the errors that would directly affect your final score, regardless of how well pointed your discussions are in the essay.
ly3108 2 / 4  
Apr 8, 2020   #4
I think you will get the high mark in task response as well as coherence and cohesion. You also use a large range of vocabulary and grammar. But you should avoid using contractions like "doesn't" or something like that. And avoid spellling mistakes too.

Well done and I learnt from you very much!
hthuhuong 1 / 2  
Apr 9, 2020   #5
you should check your spelling after finishing
seansean1703 2 / 2  
Apr 13, 2020   #6
You should just need to check the tenses that you used for the verbs, those would affect your final score!


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