bluewind
May 28, 2020
Writing Feedback / Some people believe that longer imprisonment is the most effective method to lessen crime rate [3]
I'm taking IELTS test on July but my writing skill is still so bad :(. Please help me review my essay. Thank you sooo muchhh
Some people think that the best way to reduce crime is to give longer prison sentences. Others, however, believe there are better alternative ways of reducing crime.
While some people believe that longer imprisonment is the most effective method to lesson crime, others contend that there are more workable measure to do so. I agree with the view that long prison sentences is the best option in terms of curbing offences.
On the one hand, some altenative methods are feasible to some extent. Facts indicate that the majority of convicted criminals are people who are unemployed or live in poverty. Hence, the government should attract more investment of not only domestic but also foreign coporations so that the demand for labour is boosted and as a result, the number of the unemployed will reduce and more people can meet their basic needs. Another method can be used is to educate adolescent due to the significant raise of crime commited by people at this age. For example, some youngster commit crime because they imitate violence they see on media in real life without awareness of how dangerous and illegal it is.
On the other hand, prison sentence has long been the most prevalent method to deal with crime and it has proved itself to be effective. Long prison sentences create the fear of losing freedom which is the most powerful deterrent against someone's criminal acts. For example, afraid of being captured and seperated from family prevent people from committing crimes. Moreover, many prisoners re-offended when they are released ( especially with the extremely dangerous criminals like mass murderers) so the longer they are in prison, the safer the victoms and social are.
In conclusion, though some others solution may plausible, i believe that the long prison sentence is still the most effective way.
275 words
I'm taking IELTS test on July but my writing skill is still so bad :(. Please help me review my essay. Thank you sooo muchhh
Some people think that the best way to reduce crime is to give longer prison sentences. Others, however, believe there are better alternative ways of reducing crime.
Discuss both views and give your opinion.
While some people believe that longer imprisonment is the most effective method to lesson crime, others contend that there are more workable measure to do so. I agree with the view that long prison sentences is the best option in terms of curbing offences.
On the one hand, some altenative methods are feasible to some extent. Facts indicate that the majority of convicted criminals are people who are unemployed or live in poverty. Hence, the government should attract more investment of not only domestic but also foreign coporations so that the demand for labour is boosted and as a result, the number of the unemployed will reduce and more people can meet their basic needs. Another method can be used is to educate adolescent due to the significant raise of crime commited by people at this age. For example, some youngster commit crime because they imitate violence they see on media in real life without awareness of how dangerous and illegal it is.
On the other hand, prison sentence has long been the most prevalent method to deal with crime and it has proved itself to be effective. Long prison sentences create the fear of losing freedom which is the most powerful deterrent against someone's criminal acts. For example, afraid of being captured and seperated from family prevent people from committing crimes. Moreover, many prisoners re-offended when they are released ( especially with the extremely dangerous criminals like mass murderers) so the longer they are in prison, the safer the victoms and social are.
In conclusion, though some others solution may plausible, i believe that the long prison sentence is still the most effective way.
275 words