littleKivy
Jul 27, 2020
Writing Feedback / Solutions to reduce car use. What can be done to discourage people from using their car? [5]
Hi! Great job on your essay, here is some of my improvements line by line:
- "From the very first time of the 20th century,.." - I get what you're trying to say, but "the very first time" doesn't sound best to use in this context. Maybe try: "From the very BEGINNING of the 20th century"
- "there has been an explosion in the amount of carbon dioxide in the atmosphere,..." - Again, I get what you're trying to say and you might have not wanted to use "increase" as you used it later on, but "explosion" isn't the best fit. Try looking for more synonyms for "increase" using sites like wordhippo.com
- "and fortuantely, this state can totally be reduced to the least." - Maybe use BUT instead of AND to show the contrast. Also, the next part of the sentence in RED doesn't make that much grammatical sense. Try something like, "this state can be reduced if we work hard", or something along the lines. The word in BOLD is a spelling error.
- "To the best of my knowledge,..." - use another starter that shows your confidence in your argument.
- "an eco-friendly vehicles" - should not be plural: VEHICLE
- " ... using tram and bus rather ... Who want to pay ... can either travel by cheap price or have ... Obviously, making the local feel that they are taking advantages while ..." - The phrases and words in bold, have grammatical errors that seem out of place when you read the sentence, proof-read your work and read it aloud to find what makes most sense. In most cases you didn't use the plural of the word when you were supposed to.
Great job! Keep working hard! I hope my feedback is useful!
Hi! Great job on your essay, here is some of my improvements line by line:
- "From the very first time of the 20th century,.." - I get what you're trying to say, but "the very first time" doesn't sound best to use in this context. Maybe try: "From the very BEGINNING of the 20th century"
- "there has been an explosion in the amount of carbon dioxide in the atmosphere,..." - Again, I get what you're trying to say and you might have not wanted to use "increase" as you used it later on, but "explosion" isn't the best fit. Try looking for more synonyms for "increase" using sites like wordhippo.com
- "and fortuantely, this state can totally be reduced to the least." - Maybe use BUT instead of AND to show the contrast. Also, the next part of the sentence in RED doesn't make that much grammatical sense. Try something like, "this state can be reduced if we work hard", or something along the lines. The word in BOLD is a spelling error.
- "To the best of my knowledge,..." - use another starter that shows your confidence in your argument.
- "an eco-friendly vehicles" - should not be plural: VEHICLE
- " ... using tram and bus rather ... Who want to pay ... can either travel by cheap price or have ... Obviously, making the local feel that they are taking advantages while ..." - The phrases and words in bold, have grammatical errors that seem out of place when you read the sentence, proof-read your work and read it aloud to find what makes most sense. In most cases you didn't use the plural of the word when you were supposed to.
Great job! Keep working hard! I hope my feedback is useful!