Unanswered [6] | Urgent [0]
  

Posts by littleKivy
Name: Khadija Alizada
Joined: Jul 25, 2020
Last Post: Jul 27, 2020
Threads: 1
Posts: 3  
Likes: 2
From: Azerbaijan

Displayed posts: 4
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littleKivy   
Jul 27, 2020
Writing Feedback / Solutions to reduce car use. What can be done to discourage people from using their car? [5]

Hi! Great job on your essay, here is some of my improvements line by line:

- "From the very first time of the 20th century,.." - I get what you're trying to say, but "the very first time" doesn't sound best to use in this context. Maybe try: "From the very BEGINNING of the 20th century"

- "there has been an explosion in the amount of carbon dioxide in the atmosphere,..." - Again, I get what you're trying to say and you might have not wanted to use "increase" as you used it later on, but "explosion" isn't the best fit. Try looking for more synonyms for "increase" using sites like wordhippo.com

- "and fortuantely, this state can totally be reduced to the least." - Maybe use BUT instead of AND to show the contrast. Also, the next part of the sentence in RED doesn't make that much grammatical sense. Try something like, "this state can be reduced if we work hard", or something along the lines. The word in BOLD is a spelling error.

- "To the best of my knowledge,..." - use another starter that shows your confidence in your argument.

- "an eco-friendly vehicles" - should not be plural: VEHICLE

- " ... using tram and bus rather ... Who want to pay ... can either travel by cheap price or have ... Obviously, making the local feel that they are taking advantages while ..." - The phrases and words in bold, have grammatical errors that seem out of place when you read the sentence, proof-read your work and read it aloud to find what makes most sense. In most cases you didn't use the plural of the word when you were supposed to.

Great job! Keep working hard! I hope my feedback is useful!
littleKivy   
Jul 26, 2020
Research Papers / Physical therapy can help enhance an individual's body, mobility, and health [3]

Hi! So regarding the strengths I think that you not using big words or jargon related to the physical therapy field is a bonus for readers who won't have prior knowledge about physical therapy before reading your piece. The benefits also come across very clearly, reading through the essay I could list all the benefits down.

However, I think you have repeated a lot of your points over and over again in different paragraphs. The benefit of physical therapy strengthening our bones and making us stronger and preventing injury is written in a lot. Though it may be an important benefit to highlight, I feel like you mentioned it too many times as I can spot it in every paragraph. Maybe try listing down your benefits and dedicate a paragraph to each one of them in order to not repeat your points too many times?

"According to the 2010 National .... take advantage of this prime opportunity to help our elderly patients...". - the part where you mention the overall statistic and then move onto talking specifically about elderly patients in the very next line is a bit confusing. Maybe use a statistic specifically related to the injuries of elderly people if that's the topic of your paragraph?

Great Job!!
littleKivy   
Jul 26, 2020
Undergraduate / Essay for common app: montage structure essay about my planner. [3]

@Holt
Thank you for your insight!! Out of all the common app prompts I chose "Some students have a background, identity, interest, or talent that is so meaningful they believe their application would be incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share your story." - I felt like none of the other prompts fit best, (except maybe the open-ended one). By the way, this is for the MAIN common app essay, that will be sent to all colleges. I am aiming for highly competitive colleges and would love to make my essay a "WOW essay".

Thank you for the feedback given so far!
littleKivy   
Jul 25, 2020
Undergraduate / Essay for common app: montage structure essay about my planner. [3]

I have not selected a prompt yet, as I have read it is better to select your prompt at the end.

My planner



The cerulean blue fabric cover was a shade darker than its original color as a result of continuously being shaken up inside my school bag. "Make Your Own Stories" was written in bold on the bottom right corner, a mantra that came with the planner. The pages inside the planner were bullets instead of lines to stop any restrictions from what I wanted to unleash on each page. Each section had its own purpose that helped organize the bits and pieces in my life.

The key I had made is drawn on the first page. The different ideas from the internet didn't seem well fit so I had decided to take different features of each idea I saw to make a key of my own. I use a separate shape for each aspect in my planner: a circle for daily tasks, a triangle for events or appointments and a square for school related tasks. It helps me establish borders between my school and personal life.

Then came my spreads. My monthly calendars contained long-term plans and commitments. A foresight into the months in the future guided me with the plans I had to make and the goals I wanted to accomplish. For example, my final exam dates are always written in at the beginning of the year to be a constant motivator to keep working and an indication of how close they are. Or the aims I want to achieve that year were always in sight so I consistently work towards it. My daily spreads are more short-term. Every morning when I wake up, one of the first things I do is plan my day ahead. This allows me to form a clear structure of my day. At the bottom of every page is written "Plans are Made to Be Broken"; it serves a reminder that spontaneity was a natural part of life and I will never shy from it.

My trackers are a customary part of my planner. As part of my New Year's resolution I create habit trackers to keep me accountable and it gets renewed every month. Though often times than not I stray away from my objectives , I sheepishly still draw it every month. My aim to sleep early and wake up early was the one rule I broke the most. After spending most of my day studying and engaging with school work, I still longed to spend time with my family, which left for night time when all of us had respectively finished our work for the day and could relax and relish in each other's presence. Other habits such as exercising and taking my vitamins were easier to follow as I usually did it with a friend, or in the case of taking my vitamins, I was reminded by my mother every afternoon.

One of the pages I cherish the most is my memory pages. These pages purpose to remind me of how lucky I am for the people and things in my life. The plane and train tickets stapled on the pages dedicated to the countries I have traveled to brings me back to a time where we had missed our plane as a result of my father mistaking the landing time for the boarding time, or the trip we took by train from Paris to Switzerland to see the alps; it was the first time me or my brothers had seen snow, leaving us in awe of the place. The Polaroids of my friends and I standing together one last time as half of us traveled across the world away from each other brought me comfort that the time we spent together would forever be imprinted in my mind.

My planner is an item I have with me at all times. It brings the calmness to a rather chaotic day and my mind knowing I have all my ideas and plans in one place to look back on. It came even more useful during the COVID-19 pandemic as we stayed at home everyday and the sense of time was gone. I held myself accountable and had a brain dump to release my feelings of frustration, sadness and joy into my planner. The sight of my planner in the corner of my desk every day let's me know that everything will be alright.
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