Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing task 2: Discussion essay about "wild animals" [3]

wild animals protection

Question: Some people believe that all wild animals should be protected. Others say that only a few wild animals should be protected. Discuss both views and give your opinion ?

My writing is below. I have just started to revise for IELTS test so please give feedback to help me improve. I am very appreciated all of your support.

People have different views about the quantity of wild animals should be kept safe. While the protection of all wild animals is considerably ideal to several people, I do believe that only certain kinds of wild animals should be protected.

On the one hand, animal slaughter is the violation to animal rights based on religious beliefs of several people. Besides, preservation of all wild animals will ensure the terrestrial and aquatic biodiversity on the planet. It is also a practice to maintain the balance in the food chains. For example, snakes and rats are in the similar food chains, and if we eradicate any one group of two wild species, discrepancy in this chain will be formed, and present unanticipated consequences for other chains in the future. Therefore, I believe that educational programs about love to animals and awareness in animal protection, should be fostered in teaching system.

On the other hand, most of the authorities struggle to secure enough funding for the conservation of all wild animals. Instead of that, the prevalence of resources will be reallocated to other imperative issues such as: poverty, health care, etc. Besides, several wild animals are dangerous, and therefore they could bring serious consequence to human and other species. For example, rats usually find their food in filthy environment so they can carry deadly diseases and transmit to human when people can not pursue their quantity management. In my opinion, governments should invest in a national zoo that specifically preserve invaluable wild animals, especially endangered ones.

In conclusion, I can understand why many people support the idea to protect all wild animals, but it seems to me that the preservation of several wild animals is much more desirable at this moment.

Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing task 2: Opinion essay about "advertising" [4]

Prompt:
Advertising is all around us; it is an unavoidable part of everyone's life.

Some people say that advertising is a positive part of our lives.

To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is true that many types of advertising, such as online advertising and tele-advertising, become significantly popular and affect to almost every people's lives. While several people assume that there are positive parts of advertising related to everyone's life, I do believe that the effect of advertising is seldom the case.

There are several reasons that advertising activities could bring benefits to our lives. Firstly, people do advertisements under forms of commercial or online usually put in an array of details that entertains potential customers. Secondly, advertisements provide numerous features of new products, therefore, customers can easily approach to the products that suit their pocket. For example, I remembered that I decided to buy detergent from OMO brand for trials after one time I have watched their commercial advert due to the useful features of new products and the reasonable price. Finally, people are wary of buying things after watching many types of similar advertisements, thus, they could save their budget for more important tasks.

In my opinion, I do believe that authorities should consider managing advertising activities due to their negatives to people's lives. Many types of advertisements are brought to customer intensively, such as pop-ups when people are online, and therefore it is very intrusive to people privacy. Moreover, people can be easily swayed by advertising, especially with type of celebrity endorsement. For example, when you have idols advertising for a brand, you usually do not consider the quality of the product and buy goods impulsively. Also, the frequency of advertisements is crowded on both commercial, online and telephone source, people may get bewildering in choosing products.

In conclusion, while it is true that advertising are tolerated to be an essential parts of our lives, I believe that there are still several negative impact of advertising on people's lives, in term of stress and the false fulfillment.

~~~I have just started studying IELTS Writing task 2 for several weeks. Therefore, please help me on writing. Thank you !!!~~~