Undergraduate / common app essay- topic of your choice- "Rock Around the Clock" [2]

prompt: topic of ur choice
669 words (too long?)
my background: Chinese girl
is there any understanding problem? (Since American logic is different from Chinese)
will the topic work?
any suggestion will be very much appreciated!

Rock Around the Clock

About Rock
Rock came into my life when I was in middle school. It was at first an intended interest, then a habit, and now a life style. Smoky eyes and edgy hair did not capture me; they are not the essence of rock anyway. I am just simply in love with the music and the attitude within it.

Predetermined to be unconventional in nature, rock is not evoked by public demand but rather the intrinsic and pristine yearning of the rocker. Rock is by no means mundane or material; it is about keeping oneself despite of adversities, about fighting against the "rules", about emancipation of heart and soul. And that is why I helplessly lose myself in my big pink headphones. They create another world for me, in which I can virtually feel the resplendence of freedom, in which I can pick up the pieces of the original self.

About Us
On the streets, if we see anyone dances, or hops, or revolves to move forward, we must laugh at them- by normalcy, we "walk", we do not "dalk", "halk" or "ralk". That is the pervasive and almost invincible power of conformity. We are like polygons, gradually abrased, and finally become uniform circles.

"First you hate them, then you get used to them. Enough time passed, get so you depend on them. That's institutionalized." This is Red's description of the prison in The Shawshank Redemption. To restore the microcosm, it applies to the society, too. First we fight the rules, then we reluctantly obey them. Enough time passed, we are willing to follow them, even feel shamed to ever defy them.

That is "institutionalized", a battle without smokes, a sad story without tears.

About Me
The English teacher asked us to recite one paragraph in the textbook, but I found this request unreasonable. It was a childish story about a boy named Bill dreamed of aliens; moreover the words and sentences in the text were the most rudimentary ones. So I did not do it, instead, I spent the time reading the English version of George Orwell's 1984.

But unfortunate enough, I was randomly picked to recite in class. I stood up and could not say a word, only to feel my neck and face flushed.

"Why didn't you do the assignment?" the teacher asked, ready to punish the "good student" with no mercy.
I hesitated. Should I keep silent at this moment? Or just tell him what I think? Maybe I was wrong, maybe I should have..."Because I don't think it's useful." These words jumped out of my mouth before I could logically think it through. My voice was trembling.

The class gaped, thinking the "English Queen" is crazy. Maybe I was. I was always a good student and I ought to do what the teacher told me to. How could I refuse to do the assignment yet argue with him like a troublemaker? My rationality could not define what I was doing.

"What do you think is useful then?" Teacher continued, as if to see how more ridiculous I could be.
"Like Shakespeare's poems or other classics." That was truly what I thought of, and I just said it.
The silent gaping was about to burst out abruptly. Obviously the class thought this answer was ridiculous enough. "His judgment cometh and that right soon."

"Copy the paragraph for 20 times. Hand it in tomorrow." Ordered the teacher.
And I obeyed this time.
"Why did you embarrass yourself?" My classmate asked me the other day.
I did know how to answer, but at least I knew I was not perfectly institutionalized yet; at least I knew the spirit of rock has anchored in me.

About Another Rocker
In ancient time, Aristotle's theory that "heavy objects fall faster than lighter ones" ruled for centuries. Galileo was the only "heretic" who stood out to say "no", dropped balls from the Leaning Tower of Pisa and negated the granted "truth".

Was rock born earlier, I guess Galileo would be a rocker, too.

Undergraduate / 'Not afraid of challenges' - Duke engineering why essay [3]

this is my essay for Duke's engineering program. I need help with grammar and some usage of words (especially the red parts). thx a lot in advance.

If you are applying to the Pratt School of Engineering, please discuss why you want to study engineering and why you would like to study at Duke.

For me, there are both individual and social purposes of education: one is to gain knowledge to enrich myself, the other one is to gain practical skills to make other people's life better. Engineering is one of the most practical majors, and it is pervasive in every aspect of our daily life! By studying engineering, I can fulfill my educational purpose, better other's life and play a role in human development.

Furthermore, I am fascinated with engineering! I want to know how electronic devices work sytemsatically ; I want to make my touchscreen cellphone more sensitive; I want to apply 3D technology to computers; I want to challenge my brain to make the most complex integrated circuit; I want to make all my unreal ideas real. Only engineering can enable me to do so, and I believe I will excel in engineering with my strong math, physics and chemistry basis .

At the same time, as engineering is becoming more and more profit-making in the market economy, it is causing social problems, too. A playstation is beneficial when it serves as a way of entertainment, but we have to revalue it when it is easily-addictive and occupies too much of teenagers' time. Yet this is merely a tip of the iceberg. "The best way to solve a problem is to understand it first." I want to be professional in engineering so that I can solve these problems. I will be a responsible engineer, not only for my own job, but also for my consumers and the society.

I am person who is never afraid of challenges. At 15, I went to Nanjing, a city more than 2 hours away from my home, to attend the top class in a famous high school by myself; at 17, I went to Burlington, North Carolina alone to experience an exchange year. These experiences are important to me, as they gave me a multicultural background, and I became more independent, mature and ready for challenges . Duke will be just perfect as my next step, not only because it offers a high-quality engineering program, advanced equipments, double-major opportunities and accessibility to Research Triangle Park, but also that it will challenge me with its rigorous engineering education and a highly competitive environment.

Moreover, during my stay in North Carolina, I heard many praises on Duke (even from Carolina fans!), and that was how I started to know about Duke. My attention was drawn on Duke even more when I heard that Duke saved one of my best friends' life (she had cancer and was treated in Duke University Hospital). I was deeply impressed and movedïDuke is more than just an academic institution, it is actually and actively engaged in the society, playing an important role in helping people and bettering their lives. From then on, I am eager to be a part of this unique institution; I want to join the student groups such as Devices for People with Disabilities and Engineers Without Borders, to do what I can to Duke and the world.