Writing Feedback / Criminality in Britain - IELTS - WRITING TASK 1 - LINE PARAGRAPH AND PIE CHART [4]

This is my first time I use this website, could you give me some comments about my writing please?? Thank you so much.

gender of prison inmates and criminal conviction numbers

Given are two figures concerning criminality in Britain. While the first indicates the gender of the convicted criminal, the second gives data on the rate of the offender between male and female in various ages.

It is clear that 96 percent of Britain in gaol are men, and a mere 4 percent are women. The figure has shown that the male criminal convictions of Britain increase dramatically from 10 years old and reach a peak at the age of 20 at 16 percent. There is the same rise of females in the same age period which start at 0 percent among 10-year-old then climb to approximately 5 percent at the age of 20. In the following years, criminality has a tendency of decreasing sharply in both genders. At 60 years old, the convictions percentage of females are merely 0 percent, while male are higher at 2 percent by the similar age.

In the total 100 percent of all prisoners, there is a negligible 4 percent is female, and the remainder are men.

• 
  Untitled.png
  
• 
  Untitled2.png