Posts by Collegehopefull

Collegehopefull

Oct 18, 2009

Undergraduate / 'Live music' - Common app short answer - piano [7]

I would just say "I become one with the music", Emotion complicates the sentence too much.

Collegehopefull

Oct 18, 2009

Undergraduate / Stanford short answer. My favorite books, Spending my summers riding and JFK [6]

In Response to mmmargarita. Sparkly was meant to mean an effervescent personality, You're probably right about intriguing, and I used classic because that's who I am. I try to emulate Grace and Audrey in how I dress and how I act. Do I need better descriptions to help this come across?

These are all the revised answers I have made so far today already. Let me know what you think!

Name your favorite books, authors, films, and/or musical artists.
Books: Gone With the Wind, Pride and Prejudice, Lord of the Rings, Mists of Avalon, Fox in Socks, Hero and the Crown, Wuthering Heights, Dresden Files, Paradise Lost, Water for Elephants, Phantom of the Opera, Peter Pan, Shakespeare Musical Artists: Bach, Debussy, Gershwin, Sinatra, Ella Fitzgerald, Louis Armstrong, Mcfly, Jason Mraz, Snow Patrol, Toby Keith, Phil Vassar, Jamie Cullum, John Williams, Sousa, Hans Zimmer. Character count: 377 without spaces.

Characters available 300

What newspapers, magazines, and/or websites do you enjoy?
Inc., MacWorld, Fast Company, Arabian Horse Times, TV Guide (I'm obsessed, I'm not gonna lie), Vox (a newspaper written by high school students in Spokane, my home town, but was recently cut due to lack of funding). The internet feeds my addictions Zappos for shoes, Amazon for books, and Google for knowledge.

Character Count: 244 including spaces.
Characters available 300

What is the most significant challenge that society faces today?
Dependence on technology has taught kids to be anti-social, and lacking in interpersonal communications. Kids would rather text than talk, play videogames than soccer, and have stopped reading. They express emotion through symbols, are no longer capitalizing words and are using the Internet to create alternate realities to be the center of attention.

Character count- 300 not including spaces.
Characters Available- 300

How did you spend your last two summers?
I've spent the last two summers traveling. Driving from Washington all the way down to New Mexico, I saw parts of the country you never see flying. Ireland in 2008 fulfilled a dream. Driving on the left, eating local culinary fare and marveling at the landscape. This summer the Grand Canyon made me feel small as I traveled by raft 15 miles down it's center.

Character Count: 295 without spaces
Characters available 300

What were your favorite events (e.g., performances, exhibits, sporting events, etc.) this past year?

I have been an equestrian for nine years. I have qualified on my horses to ride at Arabian Youth Nationals in reining, an Olympic event. Through hard work, dedication and willpower I have been ranked in the top 5 riders of my age group eleven times. I'm fortunate to have had the chance to show against the finest riders and most talented horses in the country.

Character count: 286
Characters available 300

What historical moment or event do you wish you could have witnessed?
I'd like to have witnessed the assassination of John F. Kennedy. There are many unanswered questions and theories about that day. It would be fascinating to go back, knowing what happened to and to carefully watch the President and see if I could discern the facts more clearly than the witnesses who's memories were distorted by shock and devastation.

Character Count-296
Characters available 300

What five words best describe you?
Intrepid (like Nancy Drew, courageous with a lust for adventure)
Serene (like the rain on a quiet fall morning or a field whispering in the wind)
Eccentric (like the Stanford Marching Band)
Classic (like Grace Kelly, Jackie O and Audrey Hepburn)
Vibrant
Character count with spaces: 215 What do you think about my take on this question? Is it unique or just silly?
Characters available 300

Collegehopefull

Oct 18, 2009

Undergraduate / "intellectual vitality" - Stanford Admission Essays. [3]

My application is due November 1st and I would love some help making my essay perfect!

Collegehopefull

Oct 18, 2009

Undergraduate / Stanford short answer. My favorite books, Spending my summers riding and JFK [6]

Some criticism and advice on these would be wonderful! Please check out my long essay as well!

Name your favorite books, authors, films, and/or musical artists.
Books: Gone With the Wind, Pride and Prejudice, Lord of the Rings, Mists of Avalon, Fox in Socks, Hero and the Crown, Sabriel, Wuthering Heights, Dresden Files, Paradise Lost, Water for Elephants, Phantom of the Opera, Peter Pan Authors: Robin McKinley, Milton, Rowling, Jane Austen, Shakespeare, Tolkien. Musical Artists: Bach, Debussy, Gershwin, Sinatra, Ella Fitzgerald, Louis Armstrong, Mcfly, John Mayer, Jason Mraz, Snow Patrol, Gary Alan, Toby Keith, Phil Vassar, Jamie Cullum, John Williams, Sousa, Hans Zimmer.

Character count: 443 without spaces.
Characters available 300

What newspapers, magazines, and/or websites do you enjoy?
Inc., MacWorld, Fast Company, Arabian Horse Times, TV Guide (I'm obsessed, I'm not gonna lie), Vox (a newspaper written by high school students in Spokane, my home town, but was recently cut due to lack of funding). The internet feeds my addictions Zappos for shoes, Amazon for books, and Google for knowledge.

Character Count: 244 including spaces.
Characters available 300

What is the most significant challenge that society faces today?
Dependence on technology has taught kids to be anti-social, and lacking in interpersonal communications. Kids would rather text than talk, play videogames than soccer, and have stopped reading. They express emotion through symbols, are no longer capitalizing words and are using the Internet to create alternate realities to be the center of attention.

Character count- 300 including spaces.
Characters Available- 300

How did you spend your last two summers?
For the last two years I competed at Arabian Youth Nationals on my horses. My event is reining, an Olympic event. Through dedication and willpower I have been ranked in the top 5 riders of my age group eleven times. My family also realized a lifelong dream with a trip through Ireland, driving from village to village, creating memories and adventures.

Character Count: 245 without spaces
Characters available 300

What were your favorite events (e.g., performances, exhibits, sporting events, etc.) this past year?

For the last two years I competed at Arabian Youth Nationals on my horses. My event is reining, an Olympic event. Through dedication and willpower I have been ranked in the top 5 riders of my age group eleven times. My family also realized a lifelong dream with a trip through Ireland, driving from village to village, creating memories and adventures.

Character count: 286
Characters available 300

What historical moment or event do you wish you could have witnessed?
I wish I could have witnessed the assassination of John F. Kennedy. To this day there are many unanswerable questions and theories about what happened in that car. It would be fascinating to be able to go back to and to carefully watch the president and see if I could discern the events more clearly than the witnesses who did not know what was going to happen.

Character Count-296
Characters available 300

What five words best describe you?
Intrepid (like Nancy Drew), serene (like the rain), intriguing (like Batman), classic (like Grace Kelly), sparkly (not the vampire kind).
Character count with spaces: 138 What do you think about my take on this question? Is it unique or just silly?
Characters available 300

Collegehopefull

Oct 18, 2009

Undergraduate / Common App Essay - Topic of Choice - "Gateway to knowledge, highway to hell" [5]

I really like your essay, but you only mention the "highway to hell" part twice. It sounds great, but you either need to incorporate it more into your essay or cut it entirely. Also, your final sentence in the last paragraph doesn't quite fit.

Until that comes around, I'll have to be content with my outdated Windows XP and a laptop that likes to crash every now and then.

This sentence has a negative connotation to it about computers, whereas the rest of your essay is very positively connotated. Make your final sentence more positive and then I think you've got it made!

Collegehopefull

Oct 18, 2009

Undergraduate / 'Live music' - Common app short answer - piano [7]

This is a well-written short answer essay. I really like the way you personify the music with "playful staccatos, the soothing legatos, and the heartbreaking climaxes". I'm into music myself, and I think this is a very beautiful way to show the admissions officers how music is a part of your soul. Good job!

Collegehopefull

Oct 18, 2009

Undergraduate / "intellectual vitality" - Stanford Admission Essays. [3]

I'm applying to Stanford this year and I need some feedback on my essays. Any constructive criticism, comments, edits, etc. would be a life saver. Thank you so much! (If you're a Stanford applicant please don't try and use my essays)

Here is my first essay:

Stanford students are widely known to possess a sense of intellectual vitality. Tell us about an idea or an experience you have had that you find intellectually engaging.

I discovered that John Milton and I are soul mates. In my AP Literature class, my teacher assigned us to read book one of Paradise Lost. On the day it was due, my teacher gave pairs of students two pages of book one to paraphrase, analyze for characteristics of Satan and to find literary techniques. Then the pairs had to give a presentation on the two pages to the class. During the presentations my teacher posed questions to the students presenting about various aspects of each page. Each question he asked baffled the students presenting. They stood there with deer in the headlights looks on their faces until I raised my hand from the back row. "Milton is referencing Greek and Egyptian mythologies, which as classical studies, were just becoming popular again throughout the Renaissance at the time he wrote this epic poem.", I said. The class stared at me in disbelief, and the teacher smiled. He and I embarked on a lengthy conversation about Milton's references to ancient religions as a way of "pagan-izing" the mythologies. By doing this Milton was creating connections his "modern" readers would understand and at the same time was damning those polytheistic religions in all Catholic eyes as the origins Satan's fallen angels enterprises on Earth. Several minutes later, our conversation had to wind to a close as we realized that the class was being neglected and didn't comprehend our trains of thought. The presentations resumed, but now I was the one answering every one of his queries. Afterwards, he informed us that we would be skipping books two and three and starting book four the following week. The entire class laughed at me in repudiation when I expressed my dissatisfaction at skipping the two books. My teacher promptly offered his copy of the book to me, shutting up the class immediately. They laughed at me for putting forth my own understanding of the novel, albeit they understood little of it. At the end of class, each of my classmates expressed their resentment towards the assignment of reading Paradise Lost. When asked why, the majority of the responses were "it's so confusing!", "I hate the way he writes!", and "It takes too long to read and I just don't get it". Whereas they did not "get it", I have found Paradise Lost to be one of the most intriguing novels I have ever read.

I'll post the other essays later!