Writing Feedback / IELTS Task 2 Essay about Agriculture and hunger [3]

Hi there,
I am currently preparing my IELTS exam, it will be helpful for you to help out! Please correct my grammar, provide suggestions and mark a band based on the IELTS examination. Thank you:)

Question: In spite of the advances made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry.

Why is this the case? What can be done about this problem?

As a modern people, even though it is hard to believe, under the advance of agriculture, the world hunger has not been eradicated in the 21th century. To ease and solve the worldwide crisis, it must be looked into the core of the issue and take on actions immediately.

From my perspective, the primary factor of hunger is poverty. The profit-oriented corporations set high price of farming fertilizers, for those countries that suffer from poverty certainly can't afford. Meanwhile, with poor situation in finance, they undoubtfully are not capable of accessing the latest agricultural guidance. Afterwards, farmers use no or artificial fertilizers, which will lead to an unhealthy soil with high salt level. Exploiting the farmland through numerous cycles, the products become less rich in nutrient and minimal in outputs. People are not able to consume enough, later on suffer from hunger and starvation.

Despite of the depressing situation, there are some actual actions can be put into practice, after all, every cloud has a silver lining. Governments should seek aids form world organizations, regardless of finance aid or agricultural guidance. Cutting the chase, the most direct assistance surely is to accept huge means of money. For fear that the aid be misused, a practical method is to send agriculture assisting team, assuring the aid won't be manipulated by corrupted governers.

To sum up, in my opinion, poverty is the main reason of hunger, coping it with assistance of charity groups, it is affirmative that starvation will ultimately come to an end.