ellab1363
Oct 19, 2009
Undergraduate / UF essay: there are only few organisations that strive to better this world [2]
Hi,
So I've written my UF essay and I would very much appreciate if someone could edit it or simply give me some contructive criticism.
Thanks!
Prompt: 400- 500 words. Write a narrative essay based on a meaningful event, experience or accomplishment in your life and how it will affect your college experience.
It's the summer of 2005, I'm twelve years old and I've just fallen face down, causing the recycle bin to topple and fall all over me. My embarrassment is complete. While my cousins laugh and sneer at me in the empty park just near of the Versailles train station, I try and push off all of the rubbish that has cause this dreadful humiliation. The stench and filth overpower the air, and so my cousins walk away still in a fit of glee, trying to find something else to pass off the summer monotony. As I try and stuff everything back into the bin, I see the day's newspaper- a copy of LE MONDE crumbled up, yet there is still visible picture glaring up at me. As I look closer, my young mind tries to understand the disturbing image. It is a photograph of a skeletal young girl around my age, wearing nothing but a thin and decrepit looking cloth, holding her exceptionally thin younger brother and looking back at her burning hut. The caption underneath explained in a few words that a place, unknown to me at the time, called Darfur, was undergoing an atrocious series of events- a genocide was taking place. The article continued that hundreds of thousands had already been driven away from their homes, raped, disfigured, families had been separated and a hundreds had been murdered. Though I am only twelve, I am shocked and most importantly horrified. Horrified not only at the fact that this was going on, but horrified that I was unaware. I began to ask around- friends, family, neighbours- if they had read this article or heard about this apocalyptic event. Most had not, or if they had, had simply heard it rather quickly on the television; between the Tour de France update and the weather. In a fit of disbelieve, I began to do try and search up all of the information possible in order to further understand. Understand the how, the who and most crucial- why.
Upon my research I realise rather rapidly that there are only few organisations that strive to better this world, few who actually go out and make a difference, few who go to where they are needed most- where most would dare not. I become obsessed and frantic- I want to jump onto the next plane, and help anyway I can. Even if I were to just save one life, it would have been all worth it. Finally I come across an organisation that seemed to do exactly what I long for: one that goes straight to turmoil and gets the help to the people who need it most- Doctors without Borders.
Since that fateful day, I have not stopped dreaming about some day joining that organisation in order to help people such as that little girl and her brother. I hope to someday become a doctor and pursue my dream with the same intensity I felt when I first came upon that photograph. I know that by going to the University of Florida, I will be able to influence others to pursue their goals, all the while work passionately to achieve mine.
Hi,
So I've written my UF essay and I would very much appreciate if someone could edit it or simply give me some contructive criticism.
Thanks!
Prompt: 400- 500 words. Write a narrative essay based on a meaningful event, experience or accomplishment in your life and how it will affect your college experience.
It's the summer of 2005, I'm twelve years old and I've just fallen face down, causing the recycle bin to topple and fall all over me. My embarrassment is complete. While my cousins laugh and sneer at me in the empty park just near of the Versailles train station, I try and push off all of the rubbish that has cause this dreadful humiliation. The stench and filth overpower the air, and so my cousins walk away still in a fit of glee, trying to find something else to pass off the summer monotony. As I try and stuff everything back into the bin, I see the day's newspaper- a copy of LE MONDE crumbled up, yet there is still visible picture glaring up at me. As I look closer, my young mind tries to understand the disturbing image. It is a photograph of a skeletal young girl around my age, wearing nothing but a thin and decrepit looking cloth, holding her exceptionally thin younger brother and looking back at her burning hut. The caption underneath explained in a few words that a place, unknown to me at the time, called Darfur, was undergoing an atrocious series of events- a genocide was taking place. The article continued that hundreds of thousands had already been driven away from their homes, raped, disfigured, families had been separated and a hundreds had been murdered. Though I am only twelve, I am shocked and most importantly horrified. Horrified not only at the fact that this was going on, but horrified that I was unaware. I began to ask around- friends, family, neighbours- if they had read this article or heard about this apocalyptic event. Most had not, or if they had, had simply heard it rather quickly on the television; between the Tour de France update and the weather. In a fit of disbelieve, I began to do try and search up all of the information possible in order to further understand. Understand the how, the who and most crucial- why.
Upon my research I realise rather rapidly that there are only few organisations that strive to better this world, few who actually go out and make a difference, few who go to where they are needed most- where most would dare not. I become obsessed and frantic- I want to jump onto the next plane, and help anyway I can. Even if I were to just save one life, it would have been all worth it. Finally I come across an organisation that seemed to do exactly what I long for: one that goes straight to turmoil and gets the help to the people who need it most- Doctors without Borders.
Since that fateful day, I have not stopped dreaming about some day joining that organisation in order to help people such as that little girl and her brother. I hope to someday become a doctor and pursue my dream with the same intensity I felt when I first came upon that photograph. I know that by going to the University of Florida, I will be able to influence others to pursue their goals, all the while work passionately to achieve mine.
