Undergraduate / A map, my grandmother and a heart - common app [3]

Hey, nice essay. Here are just some tidbits that sound better to me. Try these out and see if you like them better.


With each passing second


why she doesn't read


However, because of her persistence


Maybe 'priorities' is a better word?

Talking about your grandmother and father is nice, but the prompt as I understands it asks for one person. You should think about picking one, your father seems to be more fully supported.

Undergraduate / Common App-volunteer work at community center... making it flow better? [8]

First half is great. I also involve myself with more subtle jobs. Maybe lesser is a better word? Also your ending is fairly messy. Try to break it up more:

On Sunday mornings, I help the cooks prepare and serve the food to over 600 people. Afterwards, i stay after with the janitor in an effort to keep the mosque clean.

Hope this helps and good luck for college