Writing Feedback / IELTS WRITING TASK 2: Try hard enough to achieve something [2]

Topic:

In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough.

What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?

Essay:
In some countries, teenagers are taught that any goals can be achievable if they try their best. This essay will discuss both the pros and cons of this mindset.

There are several advantages to be mentioned in this essay. First, hard work is considered as one of the key components in making individuals' dreams come true. For example, a 13-year-old boy from Indonesia lost over 100 kg in two years due to his low-fat diets and hard-working exercises. Without his persistence and effort, he could never lose a lot of weight to stay in shape. Other positive impact of this teaching is hope for children from disadvantaged backgrounds. A role model of this case is Nick Vujicic who was born without fully formed limbs. In spite of his own disability, he was not depend on others' help and became not only a successful person but also a motivational speaker. He gave encouraging talks to millions of young people to achieve their goals instead of staying frustrated in their passivity.

However, the drawbacks of this approach cannot be denied. Firstly, it is responsible for a great deal of pressure on the young. In some situations, children study to the point of total exhaustion, which causes many suicides to escape from this burden in the adolescent. In addition, there is a complex interplay between effort, talent, luck and social connection required to produce great achievements. Therefore, only teaching children about working hard may mislead them to believe that they can be successful if they complete their work, which leads to their self-doubt and disillusion when they fail.

In conclusion, while teaching children that hard work ensures achievement, adults ought to encourage a positive mindset with proper expectation.