Writing Feedback / Task 2: outdoor activities benefit more than computer games [3]

leading to higher risk of...
->a higher risk/ higher risks

exposure to screen may
->screen.. have

empowering them to work out as well as helping them to
->..empower....help

Writing Feedback / Essay about if zoos should exist in the 21st century? [3]

When the animals don't do not follow what humans said[/s say, it they will be beaten ...

The aAnimals have stayed in the zoos for a long time, it they will lose ...

Currently, some animals are hunted in such large numbers that they are almost extinct; therefore, zoos are great places to preserve these animals.

Writing Feedback / Some people believe that reading stories from a book is better than watching TV or playing computer [6]

Books are filled with marvelous, beautiful stories helping children discover interesting things throughout every single pages and broaden their minds and as well as boost their creativity.

(single + singular N
broaden boost their creativity)

Researchers have shown that reading....
-> I think "researches" is more accurate.

play fighting and shooting violent games