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Posts by jessybomb16
Joined: Oct 25, 2009
Last Post: Oct 25, 2009
Threads: 1
Posts: 2  
From: United States of America

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jessybomb16   
Oct 25, 2009
Undergraduate / My first two paragraphs for my UC prompt [5]

"For my elementary and middle school years I attended a one of the best schools."
You could rewrite this with something along the lines of
"During my elementary and middle school years I attended one of the best schools..(where? in the city, in the state?)"
Your language is a little simplistic, but I think can be developed into a very good essay :)
good job :)
jessybomb16   
Oct 25, 2009
Undergraduate / University of Miami Essay! Tennis. [NEW]

Okay.
I like to write, but I don't know how to jam everything into 300-400 words. Mine's 398, but I feel like it's very generic and not very good. :/

I don't even know if I'm addressing the prompt correctly.
Feedback and suggestions would be VERY appreciated.
Thanks!

Evaluate a significant experience or achievement that has special meaning to you.

It is commonly said amongst the (my school's name) girls' tennis team that "in tennis, love is nothing" because the tennis term for zero points is "love". For me, however, this saying is quite the fallacy, as my love for the sport is definitely something.

The first time I picked up a tennis racquet was the summer before my junior year. I remember my coach telling me, "let the racquet be part of you, an extension of your arm" before I promptly missed the first ball he tossed me and hit the next one over the chain link fence surrounding the courts. Needless to say, my first experience with tennis was nothing short of a disaster, but I was hooked already and determined to become competent at the sport.

Today, my partner and I are ranked number two doubles on our varsity team. I feel that my time on the tennis team has been one of the most valuable experiences of my high school career. I have learned so much from the sport, and the things I've learned are things I'll proudly carry with me for the rest of my life. I've learned the definition of hard work and determination from tennis. I see how much the hours of practice have paid off, as my partner and I beat a team two-to-six that we had lost to "love"-to-six last year. I now apply this hard work to my schoolwork, as keeping up with homework can prove a challenge since the sport takes up a lot of my time. I've gained confidence and gained a positive "never give up" attitude; going into the sport, I was shy and self conscious, whereas now I've formed great relationships, become part of a team, and come out of my shell. I have also, obviously, learned teamwork from tennis. I've learned to communicate more effectively, and to cooperate with other people to succeed, an ability that will help me throughout my lifetime.

My last season of high school tennis will be ending next month. However, the things I have learned from it will not. These characteristics I've acquired from the sport are things I will carry with me my entire life. I believe that tennis has played a great role in shaping me into a well rounded individual with big dreams that would fit in excellently at the University of Miami.

wow sorry, i seperated the paragraphs because I don't know how to indent on this browser :/
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