uwu_kinn
Jun 27, 2021
Writing Feedback / People try new dangerous sports such as sky-diving or rock climbing. Should such sports be banned? [4]
In my opinion, you should spend more time on proofreading as there have been some apparent flaws.
- first 2 sentences in the first paragraph do not go along well as they don't show any contrasting meaning whatsoever. You should write: "It is vital to ... sports. However, there has been a considerable rise in new dangerous sports such as sky-diving or rock..."
-There is some unsuitable word usage. For example, "loss of good points" can be "disadvantages"
-Grammar needs to be corrected. For example, "...there are is a variety of sky-diving..."
In my opinion, you should spend more time on proofreading as there have been some apparent flaws.
- first 2 sentences in the first paragraph do not go along well as they don't show any contrasting meaning whatsoever. You should write: "
-There is some unsuitable word usage. For example, "loss of good points" can be "disadvantages"
-Grammar needs to be corrected. For example, "...there are is a variety of sky-diving..."