Writing Feedback / 'always a journey, but not a destination' - a debate whether one's success depends on luck or not [2]

Topic:

People succeed because of their hard work; luck has nothing to do with success.

Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Write at least 250 words.

My essay:
"Succeed is always a journey, but not a destination." There is a debate whether one's success depends on luck or not. This is a controversy issue. Personally, I agree with the rubric that one will achieve the feat by virtue of dedication as well as the blessing of our Almighty.

When mentioning to success, one cannot deny the ability to devote our time and energy to work will play a vital role in it. To be more specific, if a student wants to gain a high score in the final exam, he/she must be willing to dedicate all his/her time and energy to study.

Now I would like to put emphasis to luck, I believe that luck is also a mandatory thing if one wants to climb new summits. This is due to the fact that nothing is more powerful than our Gods, they will determine whether will we succeed or not. Even at the school, sometimes kids are getting their marks by luck because of teachers' mistakes.

After analysing both sides of the problem, I have to conclude that despite being hardworking is an essential factor to become more successful, luck also influences the results of our workings. But I believe that is is more important to keep working hard rather than simply waiting for luck to approach us.

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Please help me I am a poor student with no money in budget :((((
Please score me like the IELTS Writing Task 2.
Thank you very much!!!!