Writing Feedback / "My Wonderful Sister" - proofread my paragraph [4]

she saystotallyvery reliable tooAnna plays my mother's role describe an example of her generosity. describe how she is funny may be an anecdote. Good luck

Writing Feedback / "managing a salon full of 10 employees" - Negative Experience CBEST writing [4]

check this revised essay.

Describe a negative experience and how that has impacted your life.

When circumstances don't turn out the way I anticipated; it makes me a sense of disappointment. When I don't succeed; it makes me feel like a failure. These "negative experiences" are discouraging, but I think there are many valuable lessons to be learned. A particular negative experience has taught me valuable leadership skills and changed how I view a particular situation.

Mary was an employee at the salon for 2 years. Mary and I were close in age and we hung out together, apparently something was wrong with my financial records (missing money). I was compelled to discuss this matter with Mary. Mary had informed me of another salon employee named Tracy who was the culprit involved with the missing money. Without questioning or investigating Tracy I was convinced and persuaded by Mary that Tracy was the person responsible and without a doubt I fired Tracy.

Due to the fact that I didn't properly address the issue and it was later discovered that Mary in fact was the thief. Many employees were upset and offended, consequently leaving the company and therefore business decreased.

Ashamed and humiliated, I took this as a learning experience I will never forget. "The harder the rock hit you, the better you will remember it," my aunt said. Not only has the incident has taught me the power of leadership skills, but also effective leadership. Respecting and establishing good interpersonal relationship with your all employees or co-workers.

Writing Feedback / "managing a salon full of 10 employees" - Negative Experience CBEST writing [4]

You should write with first person only because is your personal essay. Don't generalize. Try to fix the first paragraph and delete words like them feel like failure. You should write "I anticipated instead of "one's hoped"

In the second paragraph you should talk about Mary only. 'Such as Mary was an employee at the salon for 2 years. Mary and I were close....

The last paragraph looks fine.

Undergraduate / "playing soccer" - a time when you have surprised others or yourself, ND [3]

I have been playing soccer since first grade. I played in different positions, such as, defense, forward, and goal keeper. Most of the time I have been a substitute, coaches have used me only for the last few minutes of the game. They weren't expecting much from me. Sometimes I would make errors that I would be criticized by teammates, parents and coach. The only positive highlight in the game was that I always was present to most of the games. So year after year I kept a good attendance to the practices and the game.

Try to say " I started the game from the beginning." and not the starting eleven.

Writing Feedback / My struggle with English Usage and Structure and conventions - Mandatory Education [6]

Mandatory Education

Should there be mandatory education in our society? Most definitely there should be public education because our children are our future so not to educate them would mean our generation to come would be uneducated, unskilled, and untrained.

First, uneducated individuals have many disadvantages such as not being able to read and write. We would have illiterate people in society. In fact, any job career depends on education and levels of education predict the type of work and pay involved. If there is no public education life is going to be harder...For example, in the past, there was discrimination, slavery, prevailed, people were kept ignorant, they didn't received an education, as a result, they didn't had opportunities to progress and were left illiterate. Therefore, is very important that society shall have mandatory public education.

Second, the future of society depends on the productivity of its people and if they are unskilled, they are going to be affected by it. As stated above, the level of education predicts the type of work and pay involved. These workers won't advance and could possibly affect them. For instance, farm workers and their families have had hardship working on the fields for many years because they lack of education and skills. This country must incorporate an educational system and skill to its people so they can be achievers and be successful.

Third, if there is not a system of education and training for the public they, will suffer. If only the elite can afford for an education and this will not be fair to the poor families. This like saying only the white collar families are entitled to be educated and trained because they would be the only who can afford to pay for an education, Lower and middle class wouldn't have that opportunity to prosper because they only make enough to sustain life. Society must have mandatory education and training for everybody, because society as a whole would suffer.

In conclusion, if there should be mandatory education in our society, absolutely is an obligation for our country has mandatory education to its citizens won't be able to prosper and they will have a bleak future. Uneducated, unskilled and untrained workers must have the proper education to have a prosper society and progressive future.

Writing Feedback / From China to America: Culture Shock (food, manner) - living in a new country [7]

You need to write a more formal writing or choosing words. Some of the words that you can check are "piece of cake". do not write pizza with capital letters. Also when you wrote steak and salad already" seems akward.

Writing Feedback / My struggle with English Usage and Structure and conventions - Mandatory Education [6]

Hi, I submitted two essays, I lost one and the other essay is still posted, but I have not received a critique. thanks

Writing Feedback / My struggle with English Usage and Structure and conventions - Mandatory Education [6]

Hi, this is another writing essay example.

"Every year more and more computers are finding their way into the classroom. Discuss and explain your opinions on the growing use of computer-assisted instruction in the classroom".

The growing trend of computers in our lives has impacted our society, including our schools. The curriculum of our schools has been impacted by the use of these machines. They help students in different ways

Computers are very helpful for doing homework. Teachers, when assign homework relay on computers for assisting students. For example, a research paper can be done easier with the assistance of a computer. With...