Undergraduate / MIT Essay: I am a BLEND. Cultural Identity short essay. Evaluate my essay. [4]

To add on to the comments above, I believe you need to tell us how your culture makes you who you are. Having a different cultural identity than those around me, I can relate to this idea of a blend. What I didn't get much of was how you relate to your culture, and how it defines you. Answer questions like, have you always cared about your culture? How does your culture differ from those around you? What is an experience you had in relation to your culture that changed your perspective? The first paragraph was good in terms of introducing your culture, but now we need to get to know who you are. As the prompt says, they don't only want to learn about your culture but also your identity. The definition of identity is who you are, the way you think about yourself, the way you are viewed by the world and the characteristics that define you. Include this and you will be good. As well as implementing the grammatical edits that were suggested above. Hope this helps!

Writing Feedback / In recent years, the rate of youngster watching television amplify in a hurry [7]

Just as the expert consultant said, I think you are using too many complicated words which is making it hard for the reader to fully comprehend the message you are trying to portray. You also have a few grammar and punctuation errors. Such as "..." which can be replaced by "television ... a necessary thing in almost all families." Just re-read and find more sentences like this that don't make sense and make the appropriate changes. I can not comprehend what you are trying to say in this sentence, "... film is procedure additionally special effect..." Overall just make sure that your reader will understand the message after reading it.