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Posts by mirajanesherry [Suspended]
Name: Beata Dovile
Joined: Oct 3, 2021
Last Post: Oct 3, 2021
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Posts: 2  
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From: Lithuania
School: The British International School of Vilnius

Displayed posts: 2
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mirajanesherry   
Oct 3, 2021
Writing Feedback / Nowadays some people choose to live in the city while other chooses to stay in the countryside. [7]

First of all, the most serious problem in your essay is the misunderstanding. It seems that you didn't read the question carefully. Particularly, you're asked WHAT ARE THE THE ADVANTAGES AND DISADVANTAGES OF CITY LIVING OVER LIVING IN THE COUNTRYSIDE?, not whether it's a positive or negative development.

Second of all, the introduction mentions "leaving hometown to work in big cities is a popular trend of young people" which is totally incorrect, because working isn't related to people's decisions to live in big cities, according to the topic. So I think you lost your points on coherence and cohesion.

Third of all, you should divide the essay into 3 paragraphs. That's the typical standard for essays.
With respect to the content, you have 2 ideas related to the topic which are higher living standard and well-paid jobs. However, the third idea is irrelevant. Living without adults who work doesn't mean they're lonely, so this idea should be replaced by another one or specified. For example, adult children who live in countryside mostly have to leave their parents to go to big cities for jobs, which causes them to be lonely when there aren't their children around.

Finally, because the topic requires you to mention disadvantages, you should write some, such as overpopulation, pollution and crime.
Hope this helps!
mirajanesherry   
Oct 3, 2021
Undergraduate / My background and identity - I'm from Morocco - country with people attached to their traditions [4]

I believe that your essay is too short and not detailed enough to describe yourself. You literally spent almost half of your essay writing about your culture, your country, your languages which is very interesting, because it helps readers get to know more about Morocco. Then you wrote about yourself in the last parts. The problem with this part is that it doesn't satisfy readers with the little information on you. You should write more about yourself, such as how logical thinking is related to your culture, how the culture affects you, how you feel about it or good values about your culture. Is there any superstitions that you disagree? Or what are the traditions in your family? Tell people more!
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