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Nowadays some people choose to live in the city while other chooses to stay in the countryside.


Nguyet Ha 1 / -  
Sep 16, 2021   #1
TOPIC:
Nowadays some people choose to live in the city while other chooses to stay in the countryside.

What are the the advantages and disadvantages of city living over living in the countryside?



It is true that nowadays, leaving hometown to work in big cities is a popular trend of young people. While there are various reasons for this issue, it is actually a negative development because it is leading to the lack of labor force in some areas.

The main cause of the desire to live in big cities is to have a higher living standard. To be specific, mass communications portrays the modern and comfortable live in the metropolitan areas encourage young people to strive for a better future. Moreover, children often want to fulfill the wish of their parents with their future. For instance, in my hometown, 90 percent of young people who are 18 years old enough will go to big cities to have a job or achieve higher education. With them, this is an opportunity to have a well-paid job and a better future for not only them but also their kids. Nevertheless, I firmly believe that the increasing number of young people leaving hometown has a negative impact on the development at all. That leads to the lack of a workforce and the adverse affection on economic improvement. While there are only old people who do not have the ability to work, the quality and the quantity of products will reduce. Thus, the revenue from production and trade activities will be lower. As a result, the countryside can not develop the economy and the living standards of residents could not be improved. According to a report on VTV, in the countryside, old people and kids live without adults who have enough ability to work. So, they all feel lonely because of the lack of attention from their relatives. To sum up, it is clear that maybe leaving hometown will give young people chances to achieve a higher living standard. However, it is evident that we should think carefully about the sustainable developments of the countryside.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 11,753 3795  
Sep 17, 2021   #2
The essay, even though over 300 words in length will fail to recieve a passing score for 2 specific reasons:

- Incorrect discussion format
- Wrong presentation format

The incorrect discussion presentation was caused by the writer's misunderstanding of the discussion instruction. Let us outline this part to clearly show the mistake.

Discussion Instruction: WHAT ARE THE THE ADVANTAGES AND DISADVANTAGES OF CITY LIVING OVER LIVING IN THE COUNTRYSIDE?
Response:

...it is actually a negative development

I highlighted the conflicting parts to make the error of the writer more evident. The discussion was to follow the Advantage V. Disadvantage comparison format. Instead, the writer opted to make it a positive or negative single opinion discussion. The response is improper and not applicable to the discussion requirements. This is an automatic TA failure.

Next, this is to be presented in the standard 4 paragraph format composed of:
1 prompt restatement + opinion response
2 reasoning paragraphs that best explain the reasons for the opinion presented
1 concluding paraphrase that summarizes the topic and reasons at the end of the presentation.

What is evident in the presentation is that the discussion fails to meet the passing score requirements for this test. Even with partial LR and G R A scores applied, it will not recieve a base passing score.
gianggiangvn 6 / 12 2  
Sep 17, 2021   #3
When I first read your introduction, I thought I misread this. However, It is true that you were writing incorrectly, which means you did not meet the requirement.

The first body paragraph, I recommend you to present advantages of LIVING IN THE CITY, compared to living in the countryside. They can be convenience with loads of amenities and facilities, and transportation. Cities offer humans plenty of amenities and facilities meanwhile it would be hard to approach them. You can explain, give example to clear your opinion.

The second one, you should show its disadvantages such as environmental issues and living standards.

I wish it would help ^^.
megazetz 2 / 5 3  
Sep 18, 2021   #4
Firstly, I think you misunderstood the prompt. You were asked to discuss the advantages and disadvantages for people who move to cities. Instead, you discussed about said aspects for the general development.

Secondly, I have spotted several mistakes in word choice

Such as

live in

Should have been "life".

"...to have a job or to achieve..."

a better future for not only ...

Run-on sentence, could have been divided by a comma, and perhaps be reworded as "...a better future, not only for them, but also for their kids...".

on the development at all

The phrase "at all" at the end may confuse reader to think that you meant young people leaving their hometowns doesn't have any negative.

affection on economic

"affection" was wrongly used as it means "a feeling of liking for a person or place" according to the Cambridge dictionary. Whereas I suppose you meant "adverse effect".

While there are only old

Personally, I think using "when" would be more fitting than "while".

activities will be lower

If you are using "lower" as an adjective, I think it would be more appropriate to specify being lower than what exactly. Or, you could have used the passive form of the verb as "lowered".

So, they all feel lonely because ...

The following argument of the first sentence made no sense. The loneliness from lacking attention has nothing to do with having no one in the family who is capable of working.

Those are all I can spot and correct, so far. Hope you find this helpful
ngocbb 1 / 2  
Sep 29, 2021   #5
I think you neead divide into some main points (to do this you may use "firsly, secondly,... some words like that) and write clearly what are the advantages and disadvantages.
hoshinokaabi 1 / 2  
Sep 30, 2021   #6
I think you should divide the essay into paragraphs so that it is easy to follow. Also, the format here is not appropriate for a discussion essay.
mirajanesherry - / 2  
Oct 3, 2021   #7
First of all, the most serious problem in your essay is the misunderstanding. It seems that you didn't read the question carefully. Particularly, you're asked WHAT ARE THE THE ADVANTAGES AND DISADVANTAGES OF CITY LIVING OVER LIVING IN THE COUNTRYSIDE?, not whether it's a positive or negative development.

Second of all, the introduction mentions "leaving hometown to work in big cities is a popular trend of young people" which is totally incorrect, because working isn't related to people's decisions to live in big cities, according to the topic. So I think you lost your points on coherence and cohesion.

Third of all, you should divide the essay into 3 paragraphs. That's the typical standard for essays.
With respect to the content, you have 2 ideas related to the topic which are higher living standard and well-paid jobs. However, the third idea is irrelevant. Living without adults who work doesn't mean they're lonely, so this idea should be replaced by another one or specified. For example, adult children who live in countryside mostly have to leave their parents to go to big cities for jobs, which causes them to be lonely when there aren't their children around.

Finally, because the topic requires you to mention disadvantages, you should write some, such as overpopulation, pollution and crime.
Hope this helps!


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