Posts by defy
Name: Jiang Zemin
Joined: Jun 7, 2022 |
Last Post: Jun 8, 2022
Threads: 1
Posts: 2
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From: China
School: Mao Tan Chang
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Displayed posts: 3
Writing Feedback /
Wild animals have no place in 21st century, so protecting them is a waste of resources. [3]
Fellow student here trying to get better at writing essays. Not a professional so take my opinion as you like. I think it would help you a lot if you were to read what you write as you do so. I used to write like this but then I read them and I realized how much I could improve on what I wrote. A big part of what I think could be improved would be on how you explain something. I think you have to elaborate on your argument more. Just makes your point of view a lot easier to comprehend and makes it more convincing.
Writing Feedback /
The table and bar chart show how journey times in a city centre changed after improvement [7]
I'm also a student trying to get better at writing. I don't know as much as the professional writers here so keep that in mind.
Overall it think what you've written is good. But there are some grammatical errors that I think previous users have pointed out. On top of this I think you could also make everything flow a lot better. There are parts of the paragraph that I think you could elaborate on a little more. Just makes the piece flow a lot better and allows you to explain it clearly. ^^
Writing Feedback /
Practicing writing essays | TOPIC: Students should be required to take physical education courses [2]
physical education courses for students
-----START-----A School is supposed to be there to teach you the skills and ideas that you will use in life. Aside from the topics that you will learn schools should try to do more for their students. They must try to instill certain values that the school thinks would be beneficial for their students to have. Furthermore beyond the mental aspect of an individual. Schools have to also think about how to ensure the physical well-being of their students. The value of health cannot be overstated. It literally dictates whether or not we get to live.
Personally, I think schools should require their students to go through physical education courses. Provided that the student is physically capable and there are no other causes for concern regarding the student doing the activities. Even if some students may not take kindly to being required to take physical education courses. It is still in their best interest and I think the school should understand this and push their students.
------END-------I tried to write something within an hour to emulate what it's like writing something in school.
I would appreciate any feedback at all. Don't be worried about coming across as overly critical I would appreciate that.
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