Writing Feedback / IELTS essay"people think children's spending time on TV, video..is good,while.." [NEW]

Some people think children's spending time on TV, video and PC games is good, while others think it is bad. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Nowadays, following technology development, the way of entertainment become variety increasingly, such as TV, radio or PC games and so on. Indeed, it provide people a great deal of pleasure, but it does not mean that it is a good sign for those people who cannot control their behavior, especially for children.

In my opinion, allowing children to spend majority time in entertainment is not a wise idea. Firstly, TV set sometimes shows violence and pornographic films and these may be lead children to learn and imitate and finally commit a crime. Secondly, stay home all day long will create problems of health. More specifically, there is no time to do some sports and activities because most of time spending in watch TV or play computer games. Thirdly, it can be seen a part of common issues, which leads children have not skills of communication with other child. As result of this, people should encourage children to do more play and talk with others, not only stay home in a whole day.

However, if children can control themselves to avoid spending majority of time in entertainment, that will be best way to relax their bodies and ease their minds. But unfortunately, most evidences illustrate that just only minority of them can control themselves.

Overall, I think the time that children to watch TV or play games should be restrict by their parents, but not to prohibit it. So the best way to resolve this problem is reasonable to enjoy those stuff.

Please give me some advice about it, I will very appreciate for this