Undergraduate / Rutgers Essay Topic: First two paragraphs [4]

And here are my first two paragraphs. Read and criticize. I think ill link the first two paragraphs to how the diversity in school is very important, and how it will help the students reach goals that they could have never reached alone. Then ill end with how i will benefit from the school, and how i can contribute to the school, thanks again!

The people's greatest strength is also the people's greatest weakness. The differences that bring people together are the same differences that tear them apart. This is the beauty of diversity; the one quality that keeps us from perfection, yet allows us to learn and grow.

Seventeen days out of every two years, people all around the world stop to share each other's company. The Olympic Games never cease to amaze me. All of the different world cultures come to each other in peace to compete. All war, ethnic or political, almost completely surrenders to the power of unity that once again allows us to become attracted to our fellow neighbor's differences.