Undergraduate / The effect of the recession - Prompt #1 [3]

Your personal statement seems quite disjointed, you need transitions for the paragraphs to flow better.
Also, avoid addressing the uc system directly because that is not what the prompt is asking of you.

Undergraduate / 'I was a corpulent teenager' - UC Personal Statement #1 - Describe your World [4]

There is an overload of vocab in the first few sentences. I had a similar problem in the first paragraph of my essay.

Try to tone it down as I did.

Undergraduate / UC prompt #2 The bitter yet sweet taste of Prednisone [11]

Your last paragraph should be revised to make it sound less like a bad thing to take Prednisone.

It almost sounds as though you are addicted to it, as if it was a drug.

Undergraduate / How my family's diversity has shaped me into a well-rounded person. [11]

Hi,

I was reading your first paragraph and saw we have quite a bit in common, if you would like you could check out my second paragraph here (check my profile) to help you out in the writing process. Good Luck!