The effect of the recession - Prompt #1

This is my personal statement for prompt #1 on the UC Application. I need help so be honest!

Prompt #1

Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations.

The United States is in a recession and coming from the Merced County in California, it really shows. There are empty plots of land and more and more houses are being foreclosed everyday. The unemployment rate is getting higher and higher. It's depressing. It was things like these that give me the idea that I should and can make a change, whether it's a city, a nation or even the world.

It was my junior and senior year at Livingston High School when I started to learn about physics and math and economics and how they could be applied to the world around us. I wanted to learn more and more about it so I started looking into these fields of study. They showed me that there may be challenges that seem insurmountable but there's always an answer and it's the same with life. No matter what challenges there are, there is always a solution and a way to fix it. This is when I realized that I wanted to be an engineer. There are many challenges that engineers all over the world are working to find solutions to and I want to be one of them.

Being an engineer means being one step closer to make my dream of changing the world for the better a reality. This is where a college education comes in handy. The University of California can help me make a difference by giving me the knowledge to make things better in the world or even just in my community.

Alexander Graham Bell said that "When one door closes another door opens; but we so often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door, that we do not see the ones which open for us" and I believe that this describes our world right now. People can see the problems and are well aware of it but can only think of how we could have done things differently without realizing that we have the potential to move forward. With things the way they are right now, it's the perfect opportunity for anyone to make a change. I feel like this is my opportunity and being an engineer is my way of taking advantage.

Your personal statement is on topic. I like it but there should be some changes. I hope this helps

The United States is in a recession and coming from the Merced County in California, it really shows. There are empty plots of land everywhere and more and more houses are being foreclosed everyday. It's depressing. It's stuff like this that make me want to change the city, the nation, or even the world.

I started to learn about physics and math and economics my junior year at Livingston High School. I was amazed at how they could be applied to the world around me. I wanted to learn more and more about it, so I started looking into these fields of study. They showed me that there may be challenges that seem insurmountable but there is always an answer and it is the same with life. No matter what challenges there are, there is always a solution and a way to fix it. That is when I realized that I wanted to be an engineer. There are many challenges that engineers all over the world are working to find solutions to and I want to be one of them.

Being an engineer means being one step closer to making my dream of changing the world for the better a reality. This is where a college education comes in handy. The University of California can help me make a difference by giving me the knowledge to make things better in the world or just in my community.

Alexander Graham Bell said that "When one door closes another door opens; but we so often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door, that we do not see the ones which open for us" and I believe that this describes our world right now. People can see the problems and are well aware of it but can only think of how we could have done things differently without realizing that we have the potential to move forward. With things the way they are right now, it's the perfect opportunity for anyone to make a change. I feel like this is my opportunity and being an engineer is my way of taking advantage of it.

Your personal statement seems quite disjointed, you need transitions for the paragraphs to flow better.
Also, avoid addressing the uc system directly because that is not what the prompt is asking of you.