Writing Feedback / WRITING TASK 2 : do you think people moving to city is pos or neg? [3]

Question : In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the
population in the countryside is decreasing.
Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

My answer :

In the modern era, people no longer have to deal with the difficulty of distance traveling or the fear of adapting as that information can be accessed online using technology devices; therefore, there is a growing trend towards them moving to urban areas, which can either be beneficial or detrimental. Considering the positive and negative sides, I can state that this issue may include both sides, but the negative side is more significant.

On the one hand, cities have better living conditions compared to rural that they can provide them with a better quality of life. Equipped with outstanding infrastructure and facilities - cities can provide rural residents with better living conditions. For instance, traffic jams can be efficiently handled in big cities since police departments are prevalent; moreover, people coming from rural areas can have the opportunity to participate in higher education as well as experience diverse forms of entertainment and modern medical treatments. More importantly, it enhances the cities' workforces because the migration from rural to urban areas can bring potential labor that varies in many occupations. City migrants, by consequence, companies can approach and offer to work for their companies, for they believe the benefits it may bring. Thus, rural people moving to the cities can aid the city's development, and they can have a higher standard of living.

On the other hand, the repercussions of the tendency of exodus from rural areas can lead to a strain on urban resources and affect city dwellers. The more people flock to cities, the higher the price of housing, medical, and education since the demands are surging; the higher the rate of traffic congestion since the traffic participants are rising. The outcome of this is the adequacy of infrastructure, overwhelmed services, and a decline in living quality. Also, the development in rural areas is heavily depended on the youths. If younger generations in the rural areas decide to live in the urban, the less likely the areas can obtain success in becoming better due to the loss of educated and strong workforces. The existence of the whole area will rely on the much older generations who had less experience with technology and were physically ill. That is the undoubted consequences the countries may face unless the prevalence of migration stops.

In conclusion, although the demand for a better life quality is understandable, the problems can cause harm and deter the countries from developing. According to numerous implications, rural residents should endeavor to improve their living conditions in rural areas rather than move to urban areas.

I am currently struggling with the vocabularies and expressions.
I need some advices to improve my writing styles as Im aiming for 7+ in IELTS writing task 2
tks!