WRITING TASK 2 : do you think people moving to city is pos or neg?

Question : In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the
population in the countryside is decreasing.
Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

My answer :

In the modern era, people no longer have to deal with the difficulty of distance traveling or the fear of adapting as that information can be accessed online using technology devices; therefore, there is a growing trend towards them moving to urban areas, which can either be beneficial or detrimental. Considering the positive and negative sides, I can state that this issue may include both sides, but the negative side is more significant.

On the one hand, cities have better living conditions compared to rural that they can provide them with a better quality of life. Equipped with outstanding infrastructure and facilities - cities can provide rural residents with better living conditions. For instance, traffic jams can be efficiently handled in big cities since police departments are prevalent; moreover, people coming from rural areas can have the opportunity to participate in higher education as well as experience diverse forms of entertainment and modern medical treatments. More importantly, it enhances the cities' workforces because the migration from rural to urban areas can bring potential labor that varies in many occupations. City migrants, by consequence, companies can approach and offer to work for their companies, for they believe the benefits it may bring. Thus, rural people moving to the cities can aid the city's development, and they can have a higher standard of living.

On the other hand, the repercussions of the tendency of exodus from rural areas can lead to a strain on urban resources and affect city dwellers. The more people flock to cities, the higher the price of housing, medical, and education since the demands are surging; the higher the rate of traffic congestion since the traffic participants are rising. The outcome of this is the adequacy of infrastructure, overwhelmed services, and a decline in living quality. Also, the development in rural areas is heavily depended on the youths. If younger generations in the rural areas decide to live in the urban, the less likely the areas can obtain success in becoming better due to the loss of educated and strong workforces. The existence of the whole area will rely on the much older generations who had less experience with technology and were physically ill. That is the undoubted consequences the countries may face unless the prevalence of migration stops.

In conclusion, although the demand for a better life quality is understandable, the problems can cause harm and deter the countries from developing. According to numerous implications, rural residents should endeavor to improve their living conditions in rural areas rather than move to urban areas.

I am currently struggling with the vocabularies and expressions.
I need some advices to improve my writing styles as Im aiming for 7+ in IELTS writing task 2
tks!

This is not a passing score essay for several reasons. All of which indicate that you are self-studying rather than attending formal IELTS classes. Your writing approach is incorrect and the information sharing is also out of place.

In the first paragraph, you have to accurately restate the original topic, without adding unnecessary information. The data you placed about technology and stuff should not have been discussed there. It should have been placed in the thesis sentence, which is a part of your writer's opinion, instead. Your writer's opinion is also unclear to the reader since you did not pick one side to defend in this single opinion essay. Therefore, you will receive a failing preliminary TA score.

Now. with regards to the actual discussion, since you do not have a single opinion explanation, the examiner will deem your opinion to be unclear and therefore, give the essay an overall failing score. You must recognize when to use the comparison essay, and when you are required to write a single opinion.

@Holt
Thanks for your advice, it is really helpful

I have few questions :

- I thought I did state the side i tended to defend, which is mentioned as the negative side is more significant. I did some research online and saw an essay that also support both sides. Is it appropriate to do so, or should I only advocate to one side only.

- What about the other paragraphs, did I write it correctly or I have to change ?