Undergraduate / First day of kindergarten (personal statement) [3]

[i need help with my introduction and conclusion any suggestions?]

Although, I have encountered obstacles through out my life I am determined to be the first in my family to attend a four year University. [thesis]

When I began kindergarten my parents had recently emigrated from Mexico. Therefore, money was scarce. I still clearly remember the first day of kindergarten I walked in excited and bright eyed with my ten-pack of crayons, twelve- pack of colored pencils, and my solid colored folders. My excitement was quickly diminished as all the other kids pulled out their sixty four-pack of crayons, twenty four-pack of colored pencils, and their shinny graphic folders.

Even though, I was only five years old I realized my parents could barely afford the essentials, unlike other parents who could spoil their kids with unnecessary supplies. Eventually, over the years I came to conclude that putting my best effort would allow me to succeed through out life, although I could not afford the fancy supplies. Through out high school I managed to earn good grades, participate in sports, and learn the true value of responsibility through a part time job. No matter the obstacles I was always able to stay motivated and achieve my goals.

Luckily, within the years my parents have become financially stable. Now I am fortunate to attend a four year university. Looking back at everything I been through I know I can accomplished anything I set my mind to.

Undergraduate / "The Mexican" Personal Statement [3]

[*let me know if i should add or take anything out, thx!*]
I have always been inspired to triumph and be successful by many different people. I am always motivated to do well in order to reach my goals. Though, sometimes it's hard to stay focused and keep working hard I can say that the two most important people who keep me motivated have to be my mother and father. They have played a huge role in who I am as a person today.

When I was just two years old my parents made the huge sacrifice to leave our home and move to a country with a very different life style to achieve the American Dream. We packed our few belongings and off we went to the land of dreams.

My parents arrived to this country with little money and four kids not speaking or understanding any english. It was hard settling down and tough for them to find jobs where english wasn't required. They eventually began working but worked long hours for very little pay, all was worth it because they wanted the best for my brothers and I.

My brothers began school as soon as we arrived and a few years later I did too. It was difficult learning English because Spanish was all that was spoken at home. We struggled to adapt to the new culture but eventually became accustomed. My parents always encouraged us to try hard in school and to not give up because they hoped one day to send us all off to college.

Although my brothers weren't fortunate enough to attend college I am determined to be the first in my family to go to a four year university. As soon as I began high school I was set to do my best which I very well achieved my freshman year. My sophomore and junior year were more challenging because I had more responsibilities. I decided to get a part-time job to help my parents out. It was difficult to balance both my school work while working roughly twenty-five hours a week. Working through out my sophomore and junior year was tough but I learned how to manage my time and gained a lot of responsibility and independence which I don't think I would have learned if I hadn't worked.

I feel that I have become both a hard working student and a hard working employee with determination to achieve my goals and overcome any obstacles I face. I know I can succeed in anything I set my mind to because of the motivation I have to be something great. Just like I learned from my parents I stay focused and don't let anything hold me back from achieving my American dream.