Writing Feedback / IELTS Writing Task 1- Households owning electronic devices [2]

The line graph demonstrates the proportion of households including four technological gadgets over 2 decades. As can be seen, every device performed a significant upward trend throughout the period. It could be observed that the upside-down situation happened to MP3 player from 1995, when this gadget took the lead of overall percentage, however, the position shifted to be overtaken by other devices in 2015.

In 1995, MP3 player made up the majority, hit the top spot at over 15%, while mobile phone and computer presented the same figure at around 9%, it was also their lowest point. In this period, tablet had not been introduced until in 2002.

After many years later, all gadgets presented considerable increase, while MP3 player maintained a stable growth from 2000 and raised to over 40% in 2015, mobile phone and computer illustrated rapid development at 70% in 2000 and at 60% in 2005 respectively, then continued to keep a rising trend till they both reached the peak at 96% in 2015. It was not until in 2002 that the tablet debuted and constantly rose throughout many years that we can see the remarkable growth in 2010, after that it steadily increased till 2015 at over 80%, becoming the third most popular device over 20 years.

*Writer's note: Please help to check my essay, I really appreciate your comments!

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Writing Feedback / IELTS WRITING TASK 2 - EDUCATION TOPIC [2]

Question: Some people think that schools should invest more money in technology, such as more computers, while others think more money should be spent on teachers. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

Education is always considered as an attention- attracting topic. There is a growing concern that educational institutions should spend budget on technological devices for the quality improvement, however, some statements assume that investment should be given to educators. This essay will discuss these two crucial sides and present personal perspective.

In the modern society with the advancement of technology, it is undeniable that students should be accessible to computers or laptops to help them accomplish their assignments as well as possible. This should be the indispensable facilities of a school quality standard. School budget needs to be invested in repairing and maintaining them frequently. However, technological facilities could not absolutely contribute to the education quality.

On the other hand, teachers significantly contribute to the learning outcomes, particularly to elementary and secondary students. These students need to be guided by not only professional but also dedicated instructors since they are young and may be not able to have awareness of self-study. Therefore, teachers educating them should be sophisticated, overall well-qualified as well. Students need to learn how to be independent of their teachers and that is what a good teacher should do, guiding them in order to boost their attitude towards self-study positively, making their curiosity be aroused, which is vital, since only if the interest in study is inspired, students can find it one of purposes for their attendance at class.

From my viewpoint, I coincide with the investment on educators as thoughts expressed and presented above. Moreover, I would like to mention the possible drawbacks of addition of technological devices. In spite of their beneficial function to students' study, they could be described as tempting distraction. For instance, students would use them to excess and uncontrollably, which tends to affect their study to some extent when they completely immerse in video games. Besides, the more equipment would be installed, the more funding would be spent on maintaining and other additional expenses.

As has been demonstrated, schools should make funding for both facilities and teaching staffs, both all play important roles in expanding students' knowledge, however, I could say the teachers' quality outweigh the other factor, teachers are always requisite in the academic journey of any student.