a pearl
Apr 7, 2024
Writing Feedback / Writing task 1: online shopping sales for retail sectors in Canada in 2005 and 2010 [2]
The provided pie charts illustrate the comparative percentages of goods from four retail sectors that people in Canada bought in two years, 2005 and 2010.
Overall, it is evedent from the data that while food & beverage as well as video games witnessed significant growth after a five-year period, there was a decline in the sales of electronics & appliances and home furnishings.
In 2005, electronics & appliances accounted for 35% of the total sales, becoming the most popular choice in Canada. This figure dropped marginally from 35% to 30% in 2010. Besides, home furnishings, starting with a quarter of the total surveyed sectors, steeply went down to 15% at the end of the period.
On the contrary, the proportion of online sales shopping of food and beverages was 22%, but this rose to 32% in 2010, ensuring its supremacy in the online shopping sales sphere. Similarly, the percentage of internet sales of video games also slightly increased, by 5% from the 2005 figure of 18%.
This is the first time I have written a IELTS writing task 1. Please help me check this essay. Thanks for your help :3
The provided pie charts illustrate the comparative percentages of goods from four retail sectors that people in Canada bought in two years, 2005 and 2010.
Overall, it is evedent from the data that while food & beverage as well as video games witnessed significant growth after a five-year period, there was a decline in the sales of electronics & appliances and home furnishings.
In 2005, electronics & appliances accounted for 35% of the total sales, becoming the most popular choice in Canada. This figure dropped marginally from 35% to 30% in 2010. Besides, home furnishings, starting with a quarter of the total surveyed sectors, steeply went down to 15% at the end of the period.
On the contrary, the proportion of online sales shopping of food and beverages was 22%, but this rose to 32% in 2010, ensuring its supremacy in the online shopping sales sphere. Similarly, the percentage of internet sales of video games also slightly increased, by 5% from the 2005 figure of 18%.
This is the first time I have written a IELTS writing task 1. Please help me check this essay. Thanks for your help :3
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