Writing task 1: online shopping sales for retail sectors in Canada in 2005 and 2010

The provided pie charts illustrate the comparative percentages of goods from four retail sectors that people in Canada bought in two years, 2005 and 2010.
Overall, it is evedent from the data that while food & beverage as well as video games witnessed significant growth after a five-year period, there was a decline in the sales of electronics & appliances and home furnishings.

In 2005, electronics & appliances accounted for 35% of the total sales, becoming the most popular choice in Canada. This figure dropped marginally from 35% to 30% in 2010. Besides, home furnishings, starting with a quarter of the total surveyed sectors, steeply went down to 15% at the end of the period.

On the contrary, the proportion of online sales shopping of food and beverages was 22%, but this rose to 32% in 2010, ensuring its supremacy in the online shopping sales sphere. Similarly, the percentage of internet sales of video games also slightly increased, by 5% from the 2005 figure of 18%.

This is the first time I have written a IELTS writing task 1. Please help me check this essay. Thanks for your help :3

• 
  
  

It is always best to indicate the number of images provided in the summary overview. That way the reader has a truly clear picture of how the information is being presented to them. That way when you say 2010 and 2015, the reader automatically knows that the information is separated and that each year is represented by a pie chart. I know, you want to do it faster by using the format you used here. Faster is not always better scoring though. Aim for the presentation that will get you a higher overall score at all times.

The rest of the presentation is acceptable. It is clear and concise. You have enough sentences in each paragraph to warrant full scoring considerations. Good job. The presentation is easily understood and the examiner will reward that with a better score overall.