Undergraduate / Common App short answer "Heroes and Cool Kids" [8]

Please critique my essay.

Heroes and Cool Kids is a program to help sixth graders make better decisions in their lives. Before actually visiting them, the high school students have to get trained. My trainer was NBA player and I was excited because I have never met a professional athlete before. He said "You have the ability to change these kids." After the training, I visited the sixth graders once a month and talked about bullying, sportsmanship, drug, alcohol, and tobacco. Some of these topics are hard to talk with an adult but they were always excited to see me. I knew that they felt the same way when I met that NBA player. The kids are not the only ones that are taught something. They have taught me how important my actions are. I would never want to disappoint any of them so I try to be the best role model possible.

Undergraduate / the Nguyen family, RU diversity essay [3]

Essay: Rutgers University is a vibrant community of people with a wide variety of backgrounds and experiences. How would you benefit from and contribute to such an environment? Consider variables such as your talents, travels, leadership activities, volunteer services, and cultural experiences. Only personal essays submitted via our website will be considered. You may enter a maximum of 3800 characters including spaces.

As a member of the Nguyen family, it is important to know where you are from. As a child my first language was Vietnamese but I quickly picked up English from watching television. Every year I would speak to my parents with less Vietnamese. My father was very upset with me. He tried to prevent me from forgetting the language by forbidding me to use English in the house. It was hard for me because no one in school could speak it. It was mush easier for me to speak English, a language that I was now used to.

I could understand my parents but when I wanted to tell them something I could not organize the words I wanted to say. My response would always be half English and half Vietnamese. My father would be so upset he did not want to talk to me. I was sent to a school near the church to learn Vietnamese. Every Sunday I had to attend this school where I learned the Vietnamese alphabet and how to read but it still didn't help. The teacher would bribe us to speak Vietnamese with candy.

My parents let me quit the class after no improvement was shown. To show that I do appreciate my culture, I used to join the church shows. Kids my age would be taught cultural dances and sing songs from our country. This was the only way to show my dad I was trying.

Entering high school, my dad stopped being so hard on me. I was allowed to speak in my broken Vietnamese again. Although I do not dance for the church shows anymore. My school celebrates Cultural Heritage Day in the spring. Students would bring in homemade foods and you could watch the cultural dances. I was the first student to introduce a fan dance in the school. Many teachers would tell me that it was the prettiest thing they have ever seen.

I look forward to going to Rutgers to join the Vietnamese Student Association. It is an opportunity to socialize with other Vietnamese Americans will someday improve my broken Vietnamese. I also hope to learn more about my culture that my community doesn't provide.

Undergraduate / I was always told to bury my face in books all day;FIELD HOCKEY/ Topic of my choice [NEW]

Please write an essay (250 words minimum) on a topic of your choice or on one of the options listed below. This personal essay helps us to become acquainted with you as a person and student, apart from courses, grades, test scores, and other objective data. It will also demonstrate your ability to organize your thoughts and express yourself.

In order to properly prepare for a successful future, I was always told to bury my face in books all day. That seemed like a sensible strategy to my immigrant Vietnamese parents, but having the mindset of a first generation Vietnamese American meant that I would need more than just books to help me succeed. I had always loved playing sports with my older sister and friends, but I was unaware of the lessons that one can learn while having fun at the same time. Luckily, it was not long until I was given the chance to join a team sport and start gaining lessons books could never teach.

One day, during lunch in sixth grade, my best friend shared very exciting information about a girls' basketball team. After filling my ears with words, such as teammates, friendships, games, and winning together, I was anxious and ready to join. I dragged my mother with me to the team meeting that night and made sure that I sat next to my best friend. During the meeting, my mother seemed to understand my excitement, but she began to grow more and more uneasy as the coach gave information about the team fees and the cost of basketballs shoes. By the time we reached the car after the meeting, my mother shook her head and told me to choose another sport. She could not afford to buy me basketball shoes.

Although I was very disappointed about not being able to play with my best friend, it was short-lived. My older sister told me to forget about basketball and to pick up her stick sport. She was the first person to introduce me to field hockey. From my observations, I could see that the sport was just like ice hockey but on the field. It also looked painful; my sister would come home with purple and blue bruises on her legs.

Before attending my first practice, I needed to get a stick. My mom drove me to Sports Authority and I remember picking out a one that was light blue and navy with flowers on it. After a couple practices, everything came naturally to me. I made new friends and the coach was very impressed by my skills and diligence.

After six years of playing field hockey, I understand my responsibilities and loyalty to my team. Besides working to improve my own skills, I often assist younger players so that no one on the team gets left behind. My passion and stubbornness has driven me to condition in hot, humid weather and risk being sick while playing in the coldest of temperatures just so that I could put a small plastic ball into a goal. While working towards my dreams, I pass on and share the knowledge, wisdom, and experience of a sport I love with others.

Joining and devoting my time into field hockey has been the best investment. I will cherish what I have learned and continue to play in college. Field hockey has prepared me to be competitive, organized and work together which is perfect for nursing.