Writing Feedback / Does societal impact matter more than families' guidance? [2]

This post is written after my real writing test some days ago, so the topic might not be 100% accurate as I can remember, but I hope you can make review for it. Many thanks!
While families are crucial in children's development, the impact outside the house is of more important. Do you agree or disagree with this? State your opinion and include relevant examples.
Nowadays, children's experience and development has become a heated debate throughout the public. Most people advocate that societal impacts stand above families' teaching regarding children's character building. As for me, this statement is partly agreeable and this essay will clarify both points

On the one hand, people should recognize that the major influence leading to children's growth comes from the outside world. This means as kids are exposed early to open environment, they can gain consciousness of how the world is like, ultimately interacting with strange surroundings. Children like this tend to acquire much knowledge and easily outperform their friends and peers. This is evidenced as celebrities' success comes from early interaction with the outside world. "King of Golden Medals" Michael Phelps was influenced by his mentor to learn to swim in his youth using his abnormal appearance, which made Phelps the person he is today. Besides, positive surroundings beyond house can shift a child's mind, which leads to his/her critical thinking and talents essential for his/her future

On the other hand, there are arguments against the mentioned statement. In fact, as far as children's development is concerned, families take more responsibilities for this. Home can outclass society due to experienced knowledge capable of teaching children the rights and wrongs. Furthermore, close relationships with family members prove their trustworthiness towards children, becoming someone they can rely on. One possible counter-evidence may be the outcome of families' influence.
Edison was educated by his mother as she believed in his potency, and time proved that Edison had become one of the best scientists known to world. The similarity also occurred to Napoleon, since his competitiveness, rightfulness, and outstanding leadership - important factors for his success - were inheritance from his family.

In conclusion, the mentioned views have created a dilemma when people evaluate the impact of this controversial issue. To my extent, while many positivities arise, negativities are also imminent. The impact from both sides, especially from outside the house, should be taken into consideration

Writing Feedback / Free theme narrative story (Grim of the schools) [2]

From your advice on my last story, I have decided to make a new one and made some improvements. This story is written to spend my free time, quite long and not for any special purpose so if you have time, please review. Many thanks!

Grim of the schools

Hello, my name is John Creasus. Today is Halloween; my son - William, and grandchild - Albert- are visiting me.
"Hello, Dad! We come to visit you," says William
"Oh, I don't expect you to come here. And you too, my grandchild"
"Hello, Grandpa. How are you? Do you think I look good in this costume?"
He is wearing a Grim Reaper costume. It is well-made
"Yes, this is awesome, your mother must have made this for you"
"You are right grandpa, now I am going trick-or-treating so see you soon."
Albert leaves the house, only I and Will are here
"His costume brings us so many memories, especially the old case"
"Umm, what case?"
"Dad... did you forget? The "Grim of the school" case"
"Oh, sorry about that, I am way too old to remember anything but this"
That story about the Grim is something I can't forget, marking my standout in the police force that time.

Twenty years ago, I was a former police officer. William studied nearby, so I didn't have to drive him to school. At that time, bullying was common. Whenever we gathered together, most of my son's stories were about bullying and how he reacted against those wrongdoings, so I was proud of him.
Everything was going well until one day, when we were informed about the deaths of multiple teenagers and police were unable to discover anything from all the incidents that could help them track down the murderer. I was also involved in the investigation.
"Does the investigation make any progress?" said Carlsen - our captain of the police force
"We have tried so hard, Sir. But unfortunately, we can't find anything except the fact that the same person causes all these deaths"
"You all have to do better, this is of no normal case, we can't let more innocence die and that person get away with his or her actions"
"Yes Sir!"
Strong as our spirits were, we could not unravel anything worthy and the case fell into a deadlock.
During those days, I heard about a case in which a school teenager committed a suicide for unclear reasons. It was a short case, so I didn't mind that a lot.
At night, I came home exhausted, my wife and son were there and helped me.
"Dear, you seem stressful," said my wife
"Oh, it's nothing, the murder case is just so confusing and our investigation team can barely do anything"
"Don't worry, I'm sure you will succeed, right William?"
"Yes, I believe you, Dad"
I felt motivated, both wife and son left so I could take a rest. Then I overheard their conversation:
"I am worried for you and your dad, most victims are all teenagers, I am afraid you will be one"
"Mom, don't think like that, I know how to protect myself"
"It's good to hear that, also have you met Tyler today?"
"Oh, I haven't met him since he left school, did you meet him"
"Yes, he was with Sarah (Tyler's mother) this morning, we met each other in the supermarket"
Tyler was one of William's friends. He was an excellent student, and his achievements made everyone green with envy, even Will. Sadly, he was a victim of bullying and had to quit school. Had it not been for that, he could have still stayed to pursue his dreams in the academy. I was too tired to hear the rest, so I slept.
Days by day, the investigation still didn't make progress. To make matters worse, more bodies of the teenagers were found. The locals started to get furious, they formed a crowd, criticizing the police force for not taking this seriously while seeking justice. Every police officer, including me, had never been under this much pressure before. Some parents demanded protection from the police to ensure their children's safety. Carlsen provided them with protection by sending officers to them and increased lookout across the town. This was doubtless one of the biggest cases I had ever participated in, hoping to find the person responsible for this.
As I was working, one of my colleagues rushed into the office and shouted "IT HAPPENED AGAIN, ANOTHER VICTIM IS DEAD". We were shocked and got to the scenario as fast as possible.
To our surprise, the event took place inside a house. This was completely different from other murder cases as most victims were found dead in the lakes or the nearby forest. We quickly gathered the information about the victim. He was Ben Little, a school student from a middle school not so far from here. What was even more mysterious was that his parents were also there. Both were knocked out and they were among the people who sought protection from the police. The climax saw the appearance of Finn, who was responsible for the protection. After this, he was fired for his careless actions. Ben's parents made a quick recovery in the hospital. They were so sad and angry that they couldn't provide any information to us. Even when they were calmer, they only claimed to have been hit in the back from inside the house and remembered nothing since then. Some witnesses said they heard a gunshot but after a careful search, this had nothing to do with Ben's death as his mortal wound was caused by strong impact, particularly a close-range weapon, and no trace of the bullet was found.
After my shift ended, I called Finn. He expressed his feelings of guilt for letting someone die and said that he wasn't suitable for the job. I appeased him and asked him if anything strange had happened. Finn told me something unexpected: "I was on my way to the victim's house when I heard a gunshot. It came from the forest so I ran in haste to see what happened. I pulled out my gun, ready for anything that would challenge me. Suddenly a strange humanoid fell from the sky right in front of me. It stood there mysterious. I wasn't aware so I told him to freeze, but I got hit in the back and blacked out. Soon I woke up and saw the humanoid. I checked it and it turned out to be just a mannequin. I gasped and ran to the victim but it was too late. What happened next, you know it. sigh"
From what he said, I imagined that the murderer must be a strong, intelligent and fearless man to be able to do all of this. Some days later, I went to a supermarket to buy some drinks for my investigation team then I saw 2 teenagers talking about the latest case.
"Hey, have you heard that Ben got murdered?"
"Yes, I know, he deserved that."
"Deserved? Did you kill him?"
"Bro, what are you talking about? You think I have the guts to do such a thing?"
"Seem like you do"
"Don't say that stupid thing, bro, he is an arrogant bully, everyone hates him including me but it is not like I would kill him for that"
"Maybe you are right. We must obey the law and order."
The word "bully" caught my attention. I approached them.
"Hello, I am a police officer in our town. May I ask you a question?"
"Hello officer, yes we are free today"
"What do you know about Ben Little?"
"Well, he is a student who studies at the same school as us. Everyone hates him because he is so arrogant. His narcissism and malevolence terrify even the teachers. If Ben meets anyone he dislikes, he would bully them. Many people are his targets and we can't do anything. His demise must be a divine retribution."
"Hmm... Anyway, I have to go now, thank you for your time, and stay safe out there."
Having this important information, I reported this to the team and we then went on a deep research about all the victims. The result was surprising. The victims were all 100% bullies. We could tell that the murderer's intention had something to do with bullying. This allowed us to limit the search range by a lot, aiming at suspicious people related to this problem. Still no clues could be found from doing that. Some of the investigators even raised questions about whether the murderer's intention was related to bullying.
Soon, another victim was reported dead. We were ordered to take care of the scene. However, this time it was a teacher instead of a teenager. One of the victim's tools which was used in the murder was still there and we were even able to get some fingerprints. Through proper confirmation, it gave a shocking result: the fingerprints came from a teenager. This led to a clash in the investigation team. While many people considered the youngster a killer and he might have also related to the teenagers' deaths, others opposed that opinion and sticked to their gun, thinking he was wronged. The heated debate went on until midnight.
I was on the side of the advocates. Trying to convince the opposers that the second teenager was behind all this would do no good, so I decided to investigate alone, regardless of potential risk. I came through all the places where the murders happened, checking all documents about the cases to make sure I didn't miss anything. Hard work did pay off: I finally found important evidence: the gun. There was a case in which the victim got shot by a gun. The police managed to get the bullet but could not find the gun. I recalled what Finn told me before, so I went to the location where he got attacked. I was surprised to see the mannequin still there the whole time, but I didn't care much. There, I easily found the gun buried under the ground, and when I extracted the fingerprints, it showed the same result. If I said exactly what I had done, they would have suspected my action because only I knew about the gun, which I solved by just telling them I had found this lethal weapon in the forest and let them did the rest as I did.
At this point, everyone were fully convinced that the murderer had to be a teenager and since the last victim was also a bully, his intention was also clear. They also acknowledged that they got it wrong from the start, and now did their best to capture this dangerous person as soon as possible. Since all victims were still at school, the police left no stone unturned, interrogating every school student for long hours, leading to a day off for all students and teachers. No one were suspected, but the police couldn't allow themselves to fail for one more time.
One day, we were discussing the killer when a woman came to the station. It was Ben's mother. While cleaning her son's bedroom, she found a working camera inside his room. This camera was stolen from his classmate so the parents had no idea of this. We checked that camera and it captured Ben being murdered by the serial killer. It was actually a teenager. He wore a black suit and wore a mask, dressing himself like a Grim Reaper. The mask only covered the face but not hair. I quickly recognized it. It was Tyler - one of William's friends. But why did he do that? My son always told me he was nice.
Without delay, we rushed to Tyler's home. Sarah came out and greeted us. We told her what her son had been doing the whole time. At first, she didn't accept this, even saying we were making things up. But when we showed her the evidence along with the footage, she went silent and later burst into tear: "I found out about this when I was doing the laundry. There were strange black clothes and there was blood on it. My son expressed this to me and wanted me to cover this. He never told me why but I didn't want to see him in jail. I even thought that my son would kill me if I told the truth so I remained silent until now."
Sarah was then brought to the station. Some of my colleagues and I were ordered to capture Tyler. Wanted posters were hung around the town in search of him. Some witnesses claimed to have seen him run into the forest, so we approached the forest in large numbers, making sure he could not go any further. We separated to find him. I kept looking around the forest until I went to an empty yard. Tyler suddenly appeared in the black suit and mask, with his gun in his hand.
"Tyler! I know it is you. You are under arrest for murder. Drop your weapon and put your hands at where I can see them"
"Heh, how intelligent of you to find out about me, mister. But you don't know how much I have gone through."
"No matter what happens, crime is still a crime"
"You still don't understand, do you? I was once a victim of bullying. Those bullies were so harsh to me that I had to move to a new school. But bullying still existed there but was much worse than before. Do you still remember when a teenager committed a suicide for unclear reasons? I witnessed everything. He was bullied. I told the teacher about this and he responded by doing NOTHING. He is a teacher, how come he ignored that situation. Yes, I killed all of them, even the teacher after that poor guy died. I am doing this for a better society."
"Violence is never the answer to peace, you have to -"
"It is always the answer! Using peace to solve peace is so outdated in this horrible generation"
"Why not? We can still choose to be better. You have to resign to this reality: You are never a hero, you are just a serial killer who wants vengeance"
"You leave me no choice"
Tyler aimed the gun at me, he was about to shoot. Suddenly someone appeared. It was Finn
"Who are you? Go away or I will kill you" said Tyler
"Give up already, that gun has no ammo" said Finn, dropping the ammo from his hand.
Tyler was confused. He checked the gun but the bullets were still inside. Taking advantage of this distraction, Finn rush towards Tyler and took away his gun and shot at the sky, alerting the police, and ultimately, Tyler was captured.
We were amazed by Finn's action, but some raised questions about where Finn got those bullets from. He smiled and brought us to a storehouse hidden in the woods. Inside, we saw many weapons soon confirmed to be tools used for murder.
"I've just discovered this while jogging in the forest. When the wanted posters are released, I immediately know this storehouse belonged to the murderer. I also know that you guy are in search of him and he is in the forest. The deadliest weapons are guns, so I took some bullets so I could distract him from thinking his gun didn't have any bullets left."
Everyone praised Finn. Our captain Carlsen after knowing the entire story decided to reinstate his position. Tyler, despite being a teenager, was given a life-sentence imprisonment, and his mother, Sarah was only imprisoned 20 years for protecting the killer. After this, many schools made strict rules concerning bullying to prevent another horrifying event from happening. The peace was restored. One of the long cases of this town, named "Grim of the schools" was officially closed.

Now, I have retired, but the case still does an impression on me, same for William. We hope that nothing like this will ever happen again. It is a few minutes later that we hear Albert say: "You dare bully my friend? I will destroy you". We get goosebumps and run outside to see what s happening. They are just roleplaying. We are relieved and laugh together.

Writing Feedback / Free theme narrative story (THE RED JUICE) [2]

I am looking forward to improving my writing skills in narrative stories so I hope you can have some feedbacks on my own story here. Thank you!

THE RED JUICE
A little boy named Malla lived in a small family with his mother and father. He relished his life in which his family always had time for each other. They talked, played together so happily. When the family had time, they would always spend their free time doing outdoor activities, if not indoor. They also went on a picnic to breathe some fresh air and have fun. Cooking was Malla's mother 's middle name as her food were beyond imagination, especially the watermelon juice - Malla's favourite drink - made from a high-quality blender. He called it "The red juice". Whenever he felt thirsty, his mother would brought him the drink he wanted. The neighbors also felt happy for them and simultaneously jealous of them. Everyone expected from the family a peaceful and long-lasting life until old age

Unfortunately, that didn't last long as expected. During a summer holiday trip, the family got into a traffic accident. Malla and his father survived but not his mother due to serious injury. This in turn marked the tragic moment of the boy's life. He cried a lot and felt nothing more than depression. No matter what he did and where he went, he always had the red juice to remind him of his lost mother, whereas the father, who was traumatized by his beloved wife's death, sought alcohol and strong wine to get over this scenario. Over time, his personality changed. The father went from a joyful and energetic man to a frightening and unstoppable alcoholic, so much that even neighbors didn't even want to come close. The father kept drinking, sometime abused and forced Malla to give money so he could buy even more wine. Ultimately, he got fired from his company and had to work at a mine near his house.

Poor Malla, not only losing his mother but also having to handle his father's abusive manner, had never experienced something as painful as this. He started to drink even more red juice and think more about his mother, even talking alone as if his mother was still there. The father got annoyed and soon took away the blender thinking it could stop his imagination for good. That moment hit Malla so hard he burst into tears, but his father didn't care. At midnight, while the father was sleeping, Malla sit outside his house, walking around and thinking a lot about the situation. He asked himself so many questions: "Why would this happen? Why am I responsible for this? What did I do wrong?..." As he was walking under the moonlight in the backyard, he saw a small storehouse. Ever since his mother pass away, his father forbade him to come close. "Now that my father is sleeping, I need to see what he is hiding from me" Malla said in curiosity. He opened the door and saw a strange object. There was also a sentence "Touch this thing and you will get your red juice again". Seeing this, Malla was surprised. He touched the object and the red juice really came out. Malla took a sip. Despite the different taste, he still considered it "Red juice" and touched it even more. Malla could even feel the presence of his mother and chose to follow her, enjoying the life he deserved.

The next day, his father woke up. He had a strange dream in which he was told to open the safe using a hidden key in his wife's old handbag. Feeling confused, he took the key and opened the safe, thinking there was some money. To his surprise, it was a medical record. From that, he learned that his son, Malla, had a paranoid for an entire a year. He used to leave for work most of the time, so he had no idea about it. A strong sense of anxiety arose, the father went to Malla's bedroom but he wasn't there. He searched the entire house in vain to look for him. He continued searching outside until he came to the storehouse. He saw the red liquid beneath the door. He grasped "Is that...blood?!". He opened the door and was shocked: Malla sit in there, covered with blood on his hands, stomach and mouth, along with the blade from the blender and a photo of his wife. The father finally realised, but it was too late for anything to be undone. "This is all my faults, I should have known this earlier" the father critized himself. He went inside, pulled out a knife. He thought about the worst thing, but he stopped. "No...I can't do this, I keep making mistakes over and over again. Perhaps my son and wife have forgiven me for my sins, I must be better to please them."

After that horrifying incident, the father changed his attitude. He became harmonious with people around him, doing his best to correct his past mistakes. The neighbors around him also felt bad for him, so they motivated and helped him with his struggles. He seemed to have found his lost happiness. Years later, he passed away from cancer, eventually reuniting with his family.

Essays / Art-based subjects as compulsory subjects - topic advice [2]

Educationists argue that art-based subjects such as music, drama, art and craft should be compulsory in secondary-school curriculum to improve overall academic performance. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
I would like some advice on this topic if possible. Thank you!