flyhigh1030
Nov 28, 2009
Undergraduate / ACTIVITIES AND LEADERSHIP - GMU general admissions essay [3]
please read this essay and give me some feedback
i need some ideas as to how i could conclude this essay
thanks for reading
General Application:
In approximately 250 words, tell us about the most personally significant contribution you have made to a community through your participation in one of the activities you listed under ACTIVITIES AND LEADERSHIP on this application. This personal statement is required. Since you are applying online, you must submit your statement with this application in the space provided.
My church choir director once asked me, "What is music to you?" At the time it took awhile for an answer to come up in my head. However, after my weekly performances, I was able to find the answer that fully expressed how I felt about music.
I joined my church choir in sixth grade because the church simply needed members to fill in empty spots. At first, I considered it as nothing more than a weekly "service" to the church. However, as I spent more time as a member, I found myself fully engaging into the musical conversations occurring during rehearsals and even subconsciously humming a recently performed piece of hymn at school. Every time sang a note, I could feel it reaching out to the audience and see their face expressions change to a smile as they absorbed the music. Also, other church members frequently approached and complimented me for being able to perform so wonderfully at such a young age and how I was helping our church grow. Those kinds of comments added to the satisfaction and enjoyment of my involvement in the choir. All these new experiences led me to believe that music is a way to communicate and provide service to those that desire it. Music provides comfort and peace of mind, and my weekly performances did just that to many of the church members that said the songs we sang provided them comfort and relaxation.
please read this essay and give me some feedback
i need some ideas as to how i could conclude this essay
thanks for reading
General Application:
In approximately 250 words, tell us about the most personally significant contribution you have made to a community through your participation in one of the activities you listed under ACTIVITIES AND LEADERSHIP on this application. This personal statement is required. Since you are applying online, you must submit your statement with this application in the space provided.
My church choir director once asked me, "What is music to you?" At the time it took awhile for an answer to come up in my head. However, after my weekly performances, I was able to find the answer that fully expressed how I felt about music.
I joined my church choir in sixth grade because the church simply needed members to fill in empty spots. At first, I considered it as nothing more than a weekly "service" to the church. However, as I spent more time as a member, I found myself fully engaging into the musical conversations occurring during rehearsals and even subconsciously humming a recently performed piece of hymn at school. Every time sang a note, I could feel it reaching out to the audience and see their face expressions change to a smile as they absorbed the music. Also, other church members frequently approached and complimented me for being able to perform so wonderfully at such a young age and how I was helping our church grow. Those kinds of comments added to the satisfaction and enjoyment of my involvement in the choir. All these new experiences led me to believe that music is a way to communicate and provide service to those that desire it. Music provides comfort and peace of mind, and my weekly performances did just that to many of the church members that said the songs we sang provided them comfort and relaxation.