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Posts by gsnwp
Joined: Nov 27, 2009
Last Post: Dec 16, 2009
Threads: 2
Posts: 6  
From: Turkey

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gsnwp   
Dec 16, 2009
Undergraduate / "I hope for nothing. I fear nothing. I am free." Princeton Supplement- Quotation [3]

It is a little bit long, but I expect you will be interesed in my essay, it contains background of the USA history, as I am an international student, this choice would be interesting ;)

I need your comments, because my writing skills are not good,

Option 4 - Using a favorite quotation from an essay or book you have read in the last three years as a jumping off point, tell us about an event or experience that helped you define one of your values or changed how you approach the world. Please write the quotation at the beginning of your essay

"I hope for nothing. I fear nothing. I am free." ( . . .)
Nikos Kazantzakis


Liberty is one of sociological term which is used to describe one's acting capacity and its interval. We should insist on the topic that we should know with all details because this seeing insignificant or unnecessary factor would be the most important element of the liberty, thence of our lives. Therefore we may probably start with the analysis of the following fact: what is capacity and for who or what it depends on?

While humans are evaluating and enhancing their intellect and capacity, the world becomes more crucial to live because the fraudulency increases in the same time. In recent history, we can clearly see wars whose causes are not just sociopolitical but also financial profits of big companies. Before the World War I, American People did not want to participate to the war. It is said that the participation of the USA to the WWI is organized by some international bankers such as Rockefeller, Rothschild, and Bernard Baruch etc. for their profits. A great propaganda is realized to create ambience and anger among American people. This situation is denoted by a Secretary of State William Jennings with the following words: "The large banking interests were deeply interested in the world war because of the wide opportunities for large profits." It can be understandable that they wanted war regardless American peoples' lives, feelings and countries' values, because war brings more depths to the country from Federal Reserve Bank at high interests. In a documented conversation between Colonel Edward House (Woodrow Wilson's top advisor and mentor who has good connections with the bankers) and Sir Edward Grey (Foreign Secretary of England) regarding how to get America into the war and Sir Grey inquired: "What will Americans do if Germans sink an ocean liner with American passengers on board." and Colonel House responded: "I believe that a flame of indignation would sweep the United States and that by itself would be sufficient to carry us into war.". On May 7 1915, a ship called Lusitania was delicately sent in the German controlled waters, and as expected, German U- Boats torpedoed the ship and 1200 passengers were killed. This fact caused significance anger and passion among the Americans and the USA entered to the war. The WWI costs 323,000 American deaths, J.D. Rockefeller's profit was 200 millions dollars (approximately 2.7 billions dollars). Just for this example, we can understand the power and invisibility of outside forces which controls the world, and decides what we should do. So it takes our liberties. As a result, history leads us to understand and make a good decision in the future and we can understand that citizens are limited to live in the scope of the ideas and profits of dominant companies or persons in the society and this is our real capacity.

After a Turkish story reviewer said "Give me new style of stories, I spent all of them", he is alienated by the literary world because he wanted so much and they do not want stories to be different from stereotyped rules of story writing. Therefore, he can reach a chance to get do whatever he want to write about stories because no one cares about him, he was labeled as crazy and was banned. By this time, he reaches absolute freedom and does not expect anything and do not fear from anyone.

As I was watching the documentary "Zeitgeist", I started to interrogate the meaning of liberty and tried to relate Kazantzakis's quotation with the statue of citizens in the war. I understand that a common people have less capacity than banned one by society because by this fact the others let him to live whatever he wants. By the other way, life styles of general citizens are always under control of outside forces and they can never resist to the desires of the real patrons of the society. Consequently my point of view on life became more inquisitorial and suspicious; I read more history books and try to look from other side that people fear to think about. Therefore I would be able to resist being a guinea pig of external forces and to become free.
gsnwp   
Dec 16, 2009
Undergraduate / 'San Francisco and the Golden Gate Bridge' - makes Stanford a good place for you? [13]

your essay structure looks well fitted. My suggestion is ,you can talk about your goals and what are relations to realize them at Stanford, I mean which opportunities appeals to you (more specific answer) , because you just wrote common things such as good profs, researches,perspectives etc., there are not only belonged to Standord, they are common at good universities, just tell something more specific related to your life or your goals.
gsnwp   
Dec 16, 2009
Undergraduate / My family, The world I come from. MIT essay. [17]

I also wrote this topic , It is good and very convivial but however, I think that it would be better if you expand your dreams and aspiration by giving specific examples, it would touch to the administration officers :)
gsnwp   
Dec 15, 2009
Undergraduate / Rice University, Supplement, cradle of its field [9]

I don't use them for my application essays, but however, for my messenger speaking with other countries' students /(from brazil, italy etc.) I uses Google translator to translate English to portuguese or italian, and mostly, I can say that it translates pretty good, (but just for the languages which related each other, such as Spanish to Italian, or Portuguese, French or English; but I can't say same thing to English to Turkish or Greece translates)
gsnwp   
Dec 10, 2009
Undergraduate / Rice University, Supplement, cradle of its field [9]

Thank you for your comments,

No, I don't use an internet translation site,

my first essay, I wrote in Turkish and after I translated it in English, for second one, I directly wrote in English. That's why they seems differents

Thanks
gsnwp   
Dec 8, 2009
Undergraduate / Rice University, Supplement, cradle of its field [9]

hello , I just changed like the following:

One agrees that the USA is the most developed country in the world and its' life standards and conditions of services are fabulously well than any other first world countries and these offer citizens, especially younger citizens like students, a healthy future and spacious job opportunities. Thereby they do not have inquiries about their future. They think the state/ government will help them and will put them into a good job even they do not have adequate knowledge about the work. This opinion drives students not to study enough and not to understand the importance of their studies. Every year there are almost two million high school students leave their schools. It can be determined as boring results or horrible statistics about USA educational system. As an international student, I would like to draw one's attention to the topic on which we should insist: "the quality of USA educational system in function of the competitiveness of daily life". For example, in my country (Turkey), our life conditions and job opportunities are not well developed and the people do not have any guarantee about their futures, they always cogitate the world in which they will work and live, even during the lessons; because they are scared about the reality of life and their parent's situation. They just want to survive in these hard circumstances. Only one official and accurate solution is offered: studying hard to get a good university, and after still studying hard to be able to get a qualified job. They only think about their studies, it is said that they became robots and they are programmed to study. Therefore, my country's university entrance exam is really competitive, one must be ranked first ten thousand students among two millions candidates if he/she would like to inscribe to a good university. Due to the circumstances that I told below, the students in Turkey should push their limits to be involved to a livable future.

To be well qualified before starting to university, I was interested in my school's European and individual projects. In one of them, our research offered a solution to a problem about our school's excessive heating. We presented the efficacious of using triple window and foam ceiling with a report to administration and they accepted our resolution. Thence, spending energy reduced by third. After this resolution is accepted, I fulfilled with the emotion to contribute and develop future's society as well as I did same to my school. Firstly, I though that I should study in a university like Rice, which already had became cradle of its field, to have adequate skills and knowledge for realizing my neo-projects in near future. Besides of this, I also have to receive a good training to enhance my intellectual ability in a case of being pioneer and leader in the future to my society and this can realize only with a particular good school.

Is it fit now ? or have I still need to revise it again?
gsnwp   
Nov 27, 2009
Undergraduate / Rice University, Supplement, cradle of its field [9]

Hello, I am an international student and I will apply to the USA universities. One of them is Rice University, my supplement essay is below, can you check it out. Thanks

With the understanding that the choice of academic school you indicated is not binding, explain why you are applying to that particular school of study.

My high school was established in the Ottoman Era and due to the Ottoman architecture; classes are spacious and have up to five meter ceiling. It has central heating system which causes excessive heat especially in the winter because school management has to give much heat due to wide and high classes. For our health and also for preventing wasting energy, we were warning school management but they could not alleviate excessive heating. School's monthly bill for heating was very high. I always thought about this situation and searched for solutions.

We participated in a European project called Clim@tic before and researched topics such as pollen analysis, dendroclimatology and explicated offering solutions and causes of global warming. While searching solutions for this problem on the internet, a European Project "Energ@tic" drew my attention. I thought we can find answers to our problem participating to this project and I convinced people to join. In the project, schools can research the topics which are proposed by members. So we firstly researched spending energies, heat changing and radiations of electronic devices which are standby, opened or closed and also analyzed rates of using public transport and their contribution to energy saving. Finally, we worked on energy waste in our school to reduce it minimum. We understood that heating departs the center of school without any isolation. We presented the efficacious of using triple window and foam ceiling with a report to administration and they accepted our resolution. Thence, spending energy reduced by third. After this resolution is accepted, I fulfilled with the emotion to contribute and develop future's society as well as I did same to my school. Firstly, I though that I should study in a university like Rice, which already had became cradle of its field, to have adequate skills and knowledge for realizing my neo-projects in near future. Besides of this, I also have to receive a good training to enhance my intellectual ability in a case of being pioneer and leader in the future to my society and this can realize only with a particular good school.
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